me needs.

I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED
indian potato chips. the ones with curry powder.

I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED
loads and loads of sushi and salmon. i wanna eat tao......................

I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED
pringles! preferably bbq flavour. but sour cream n onion works fine for me too. ==D

I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED
motivation and inspirations for my speech. gahh!!

I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED
directions and decisions for my degree. double gahh!

I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED
to feel the outer part of my left knee. its totally numb!

I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED
laksaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. please please please please can somebody buy for me?


im surprisingly calm right now. will miss you...

in life, sometimes its not about making the right decisions,
its about how you handle the decisions you've made, how you fix the wrong decisions,
how you make it right even if its not.

decision making shouldn't bug or worry me that much.





but how?

-

trying HARD to be someone im not.

cause im not allowed to be someone i am.

i shall...

jocelyn shall keep remind herself on new year resolution number 15. and stick the hell to it.

jocelyn shall keep herself within the fences of patience cause she cant kick the sheep out and she cant get out to the fields.

jocelyn shall erase the negativity off her chest and see everybody as harmless human beings tryin to be nice, even if they arent, its just their cranky day, they mean no harm, or its an innocent mistake and should be forgiven.

jocelyn shall stop the feelin of regret eating her up after she bought this dress she doesnt really like, from Forever 21.

jocelyn shall not forgive certain people that has crossed the line. she shall keep away from them and let it stay that way cause they dont understand and dont appreciate what she's tryin to do.

jocelyn shall notice the people around her who are really really nice and do something nice back.

jocelyn shall not let the bad habits of her high school ages return and infest her attitude.

jocelyn shall bank in her cheque and take the money out ==D

jocelyn shall do something to mend the holes in her.

jocelyn shall still be stingy enough to not go for a manicure. even when she so need to treat herself something good, and spoil herself more now.

jocelyn shall not allow even one tear at all to fall today.

jocelyn shall have better control of her life by doing meaningful things. to meaningful people.

jocelyn shall get her beauty sleep today. sleep for many many hours and hopefully wake up to find her eye bags of at least half a year, gone.

Dreams

Has anyone made any new year's resolution?

I'll turn 21 this year, should i just look at reality and limit my dreams....or should i make my dreams reality?

Remember when we were young, we dreamt a lot, flying to the moon, living in a world we created ourself, wanting to be this or that...

What happened to all those dreaming? When did we start to let our head ground us with reality? Where was the wings we wanted on our backs so we can fly around the world?

Just because we've seen, just because we've learnt and just because we know....it doesn't mean we can't.


Therefore, my new year's resolution will be to continue dreaming, while dealing with reality and continue one step at a time towards......a dream come true...

PS : I have not been a good person, have not been the best son, have not been the best brother or cousin......i promise, i am working towards it.

Not forgetting my path to Japan and Korea too ==D

happee 2009!

i know its 2 days late. first day the internet went crazy. streamyx was havin a day off too i guess?
but happy new year people!! especially to the very special person who shared this blog and made it more interesting than it is.... n played a very special role in my life. well a person's blog is all about a person's life isnt it? ==)

lookin back at 2008 for me just... i was lookin at all the blog posts for last whole year....... i have no receptor thingy, to control at all, the cells around my tear glands.... lets just put it that way, when thing's are slightly out of... expectations, plans and control, of the will of... fate? and certain arrangements with...... ok i shall stop talkin now.

anyway last year for jocelyn, moved really slow. really really slow. i was waiting and waiting everyday, staring at a date all the time. one date after another. there was always a date, may it be a happy one or a sad one. february then july then august then november then... and now this year, i just dont have a date as a target line anymore. it was a slow year but before i know it, it ended up in a zap, leavin me stuck in never never land.
andddddd.... that slow year is finally over. hope this new year for me would be fast. and you know ther's only 2 ways for it to be fast. for your life to be fast. one is to have a great work life. or a great love life. as usual, greedy me would want both.

ok new year resolutions! here's the list. well, not really a new year resolution list, but i think they look more like a to-do list. cause u know, resolutions always look and sound so... visionary. so huge... with big plans and big evetything and half of them will have your freinds laugh at you saying "hey wasnt that what you said last year? come on you wont get that done this year" or "puh-leez, you wont be able to make that happen, not in this decade".

THE LIST

1. do something good. (volunteer somewhere since im too stingy for giving out monetary donations. oh old clothes might work too ==) )
2. learn up something. (be it a skill, a hobby, a language etc)
3. finish all my movies and series. (some dvds in my drawer are bought to rust and i should start doing something about it. lol)
4. have a clear mind and decide totally what to major on in my studies. (and make sure i WILL go for a degree)
5. sew some dolls. (i want to!)
6. finish my 6 never ending books feeding on dust, ps i love you, change of heart, rules of work, olgilvy's advertising, 4 twilight books (if i have them all, i only have 2)...
7. change my fashion style. totally! more heels and make up for me please. when i dont feel lazy or feel like wearin something comfortable. im old. i've changed my hair style anyway, next up is my wardrobe. ==)
8. but i do need money for that dont i? so i need a job. i great job to gain experience.
9. self learn photography and editing skills.
10. finish writing a proposal for patrick's corporate company profile and get him to pay me ==) (man this was on me for more than half a year now. it's goin to be a year in 2 or 3 months. ish!)
11. make really nice cards for everybody's birthday!
    
12. finish my cross stitch. (i have a new one and its almost like a bif framed photo)
13. keep praying that my hp will spoil so that i will get a new one. and also that i will earn enough money by then to treat myself with a new hp.
14. not travelling. definately. or maybe i could, but i dont feel like it. (why is this even on the list?)
15. forgive the people i hate. jocelyn will talk to the people she loath most, act nice and hope it'll turn out nice. just cause she wants to cut names off her enemy list.
16. wear a bikini in public. (hahahhahaha... this is a stupid one but what the hell.. who's in with me? ==D 20 and i havent done that before can you believe that? was never confident with... erm... a certain size, you know... anyway its not happening 30 years frm now is it? im old now! and its happenin now. hahaha )
17. get an addiction. (be it on candies, work, a hobby, some life, some book, anything!)
18. be more organized.
19. be a better planner on managing my life.
20. exercise more... and i mean MORE. it i dont throughout the year, i'll make sure i do in december. ==D
    

and if i dont get them done by november 2009, i'll have them done in the whole december just so poeple wont be saying things like "cheh i knew it" or something like that. liang might probably be the first to say that hahaha...
the list should be till 20 i guess. if there are more i'll write in the comment box. anybody came up with their new year resolutions already?

all about me.

me and my hormones.
me and my big mouth.
me and my temper.
me and my patience.
me and my thinking.

its so all about me at times dont you think so?

i need a new me. what i want for christmas.

choleric me?

a few things lately have made me realise that actually, there is a little Bree in me. the Bree in desperate housewives.

yesterday i went to the education fair at PISA, and there was this personality test at the booth of Nilai university college to find out which type of course and which type of work suits the person more. Fi was testing it out and i wanted to test too. it turned out to be that i am a choleric. they say that there are no good and bad in every personality. it has its own good and bad behaviour. but cholerics sound so... bossy, stubborn, demanding and all. ==( am i a bossy person?

anyway the 4 types of personalities are...

Choleric: This is the commander-type. Cholerics are dominant, strong, decisive, stubborn and even arrogant.
Melancholy: This is the mental-type. Their typical behaviour involves thinking, assessing, making lists, evaluating the positives and negatives, and general analysis of facts.
Sanguine: This is the social-type. They enjoy fun, socialising, chatting, telling stories - and are fond of promising the world, because that's the friendly thing to do.
Phlegmatic: This is the flat-type. They are easy going, laid back, nonchalant, unexcitable and relaxed. Desiring a peaceful environment above all else.

i make lists in my head on almost everything.

i am not decisive at all, i cant decide on almost everything cause i am so afraid of making the wrong decisions and regretting it later on. i cant even decide on which flavour of pretzel to take! its either a powery one like cinnamon sugar and sour cream and onion, or a liquidy one like choc eclair or almond with dip. those are the usual ones that i take. or to take the usual nice ones, or try a new flavour. then i dont think i'll end up liking it and then it makes me think again, i could stand in front of the stall for 15 mins to decide on a flavour.

i am also a social type. i can basically talk to strangers non stop and i believe i am a really talkative person, hope its not annoying talkative. and i hate awkward silence. thats why i talk. lol...

extremely impatient. i like to get things done fast. if i dont i get really frustrated and cranky. probably cause i didnt want to waste precious time when you can actually do something with it.
i get bored really easily. its also stated in all the horoscope books on Geminis actually.
i am actually emotional and expressive. if im happy i can jump around and i dont care if i look like a fool in public. when im sad, i really am sad and im really bad at hiding fears tears giggles and... yeah alot of things.
i like peaceful environments but i am definately not unexcitable and i dont know if i am laid back or not.

definately not a born leader cause im afraid to lead. what if i let my group members down? but i'd lead if i see like (no offence but) useless lazy poeple in my group i'd stand up and fight for the leader's position cause i dont trust my grades in the hands of a person who fails almost all the subjects all the time. now i sound like a bad bossy person T.T

i cant afford to make even the slightest bad decision! includin eating just 1 extra prawn, which i could have saved up the additional cholesterol food to eat twisties instead. then i wont be able to brush the thought off my mind for at least like an afternoon or evening.

more info on cholerics...

• You are strong-willed and decisive, independent and self-sufficient.
• You are not easily discouraged and can be unemotional when necessary.
• You are capable of running anything and exude confidence.
• You are an expert in exerting sound leadership, establishing goals and able to motivate the family in to action.
• You always know the right answer and organize the household.
• You are very goal oriented, see the whole picture and organize well.
• You seek practical solutions to problems and move quickly to action.
• You delegate work but insist on productivity.
• You make the goals, stimulate activity and thrive on opposition.
• You have little need for friends and will work for group activity.
• You often lead from the front, organize and are usually right.
• You excel during emergencies

A Choleric is focused on getting things done, but can run rough-shod over others. They are decisive and stubborn.
A Melancholy is a highly talented person, they have brilliant ideas, although sometimes they can paralyse themselves with over-analysis. Lists and "doing things the right way" are characteristics of this personality type.
A Sanguine gets on well with people and can get others excited about issues, but cannot always be relied upon to get things done. They love interacting with others and play the role of the entertainer in group interactions. They have a tendency to over-promise and under-deliver.
A Phlegmatic is neutral - they tend not to actively upset people, but their indifference may frustrate people. They try not to make decisions, and generally go for the status quo. They care about people and harmony.

take for example yesterday. i went to bin's hse for a stay over. we stayed up till 4.30am and i was sooooo slpy i fell right asleep when the lights are off. and guess what? i forgot to brush my teeth! something that i have not done in my entire life since... well maybe when i was in primary or in kindergarden. i cant live without the feeling of a clean minty mouth every day and night. i cant stand people with bad breath and rotten teeth. untidy teeth is ok but rotten ones? no. even my dentist said i brush my teeth too much.
before that bin took her contact lense off when she reached home. without washing her hands with soap. my eyes were kinda dry and i wanna take them off too. i washed my hands with soap, rubbed and rinsed it with saline water and place them in fresh lense solution. and i thought to myself. am i the only one who does that all the time?
as i was the one who set the alarm the night before, i woke up earlier than the rest of them even after at least 1 hour of snoozing. i brushed my teeth, bin's mom bought ban chang kuey. i was up and eating already and they are all still in bed. then i spotted a hp charging in the corner. i had to switch it off. i dont know who's hp is it, charging overnight can kill the lifespan of a battery. i had to switch it off. im till on my holiday, i can actually sleep till late but i dont want to. cause no.1 we have to go to butterworth, 2, hav lunch, 3, go for a movie, 4, maybe a spa (or not) and 4, be home by 4pm cause bin has rehersals. plus (5) if i wake up late i will sleep really late at night and it will 1, turn my biological clock upside down. 2, in time make me look older than i actually am, 3, affect my health, 4, add more eye bags on me when the past 2/3 months have given me balloon sized eyebags that i wish i could just pop it with a needle. 5, its not my house. 6, i just couldnt sleep till too late ok? hahaha...
then when they were still getting ready, even though i know she has a maid, i cudnt stand the junk food wrapers and empty bottles on the floor. i had to pick them up.

so i told bin n asked her about it and she said "good la, perfectionist."

then i thought of what liang told me about a friend who is like the virgo in virgos. ultimate perfectionists.

me? a perfectionist? you gotta be kidding! though i am not sure what i am still. my lack of capability in juggling my life between my work life, social life, love life, family life and all the other lifes in me costed me to lose an extremely valueable, meaningful and happy life. when i hav been trying so hard on so many things at so many times to juggle between them.

even bin told me, she's leaving in a few days. she cant spend every minute with edwin even if the both of them wanted to. cause she needs to do alot of other things. which includes going out with all of us and all. she cant stay over his place too often cause she needs to be with her mom at home as well. she had to run errands and get a few things settled. do rehersals for a performance on wednesday. she had to juggle all of those things in life. and she couldnt spend too much time with edwin. it totally make sense. unless he doesnt mind to run errands and all with her and all....

sleep, to me, is extremely important. aside from the points listed above, i know myself, that if i dont get enough sleep, i will be cranky throughout the day. when people talk to me i cant contentrate or pay attention. my brain turns really slow and i cant initiate topics. i cant plan and think of things on the spot, forgetting things and end up regretting the lousy decisions i do throughout the day. when i was driving just now i almost ended up in an accident 3 times! i didnt notice the motocycle that drove pass me. i didnt see the road sign and almost turned the wrong place. i cant focus and pulled the breaks on a light that just turned yellow a second ago, and i was already at the traffic lights already. what is wrong with me!? lack of sleep. yesh! i thought to myself. i cant afford all of those things. i know myself.

so there are certain things in my life that i really couldnt sacrifice. i will get very mad at myself if i were to waste unnecessary time, money, effort, etc. am i a bad person? am i a bossy person? a control freak? am i like Bree in desperate housewives? do tell me. im still trying to figure out myself.

like for example it doesnt make sense if you wanna buy a bottle of shampoo in gurney plaza when you can actually get the same one in tesco, 3 mins drive from my house. free parking. minus the jam, petrol and time. i would insist on buying the same shampoo at tesco. not being inconsiderate about the others but yeah it really doesnt make sense. unless you make the things look like they make sense.

cause if poeple explain and try to persuade me on doing something of buying something, there is actually a high chance of me falling for it.

note: this post was written on a really sleepy brain, it is very long, i didnt bother to make it short and easier to read. my brain is slow. i dont remember what i wrote 15 mins ago.

the journey up the hill

life is about improvements.
they say "i complain that i have no shoes, until i see someone with no feet"
moral of the story? to be grateful for what you have.
positive thoughts positive thoughts positive thoughts.
look at what i have and not what i dont have!
and be grateful for having a few pairs of shoes plus feet than i can walk and jump around.

i am grateful. i really am.
grateful that im alive when jo ann has been telling me so many people died in limkokwing.
grateful that i once had such a great time when others doesnt even experiece things like this befre.
grateful i have food water and shelter.
grateful that i hav such loving and cool parents.
grateful that i have stick skinny figure when others get bulimia and anorexia trying to slim down when they actually wanna be skinnier than me.
grateful that even if i hav to wear thick glasses, at least im not blind.
grateful for having so many friends around me giving me support and company that mean so much to me.
grateful for alot alot of things.

but somehow, a part in me says a slightly different story.

if a guy is born without legs. and gotten a leg implant donated to him or something when he's 20.he got a new leg.
on the other hand, another guy got involved in an accident and lost a leg at age 20 too. he got 1 leg left on him.

both have 1 leg. who would you rather be?

the one who should be happy and grateful that at least he get to walk and jump for the first 20 years of his life? instead of mourning on how to survive the rest of his life with only 1 leg left.
or the one that should be happy and grateful to receive a new leg? instead of mourning on how unfair god is to him when everybody is born with legs except him.

for me i'd rather be the one born without legs and gained a leg instead of losing one. cause life is about improvements. sometimes you cant control the future. you cant control what is going to happen next. but the least you can do is to control your own life. cause its your life, you live it your way.

i am my own competition. if i am capable of getting myself a new car, and its a myvi. i dont care if i live in a world where everybody else around me drives a Mercedes or a BMW. what i know is, the next car that i'm going to get is not a kancil. it need not be a BMW, but it will be something better than a myvi.
or should i look at poeple with motocycles and be grateful for having te chance to own a car at all?

its not about being better than the people around me. its about being better than who i was back then.

sooooooooooo many people around me said i've changed. close friends i had since secondary. im not the me back then compared to the me right now. i do hope i've changed for the better, being a better person than the trash i was back then. somehow i realized i've gotten weaker.

i dont mind if i get a C for my grades. cause i wont feel the least grateful at all that i did not fail. with that i will always be stuck with a C grade feeling happy everyday cause i did not fail. no improvements at all. i am my own competition and i wont bother competing myself with the others. i will make sure the next grade i get would be better than a C. either remain a C, or getting a C+ is an improvement. and make sure i get a B and an A in time.

i dont care if my girlfriends get rich ass boyfriends that showers them with handphones, cars , prada and expensive food every meal.
i dont care if they have some guy who treats them like princesses.
i dont care if i dont earn alot of money compared to the people around me.
i dont care if im born with high cholesterol when everybody around me gets to eat everything they want, anything they want at their own will. (tho my hormones makes me depress at times)
i dont care if they have a great job and a great life.
i dont care if this friend gets really famous on tv and advertisements.
i dont care if the people around me are born with the perfect figure, pretty face, great personality likable to every bug around them. i wanna look back to a picture of me 4 years ago and say to myself, wow i've gotten so much prettier compared to the me back then, dark, skinny with short hair and braces.
i dont care even if some friend has better fashion sense than i do.

cause if i keep comparing, it will never end. how could anybody be happy? that includes comparing myself with the people worse than me. not that i dont care if a girlfriend lost her dad. i will help her in many ways that i can to improve her life in other ways, like giving her company, going to the movies with her, a place where she use to go with her dad, or something like that. but i wont be comparing.
the only thing that i'll be comparing, is to compare me to myself. all i care is improvements on myself and my life. i want to move further up a notch to who i am, what i am and where i am right now.

i dont mind not being the 100% as long as the percentage is the same or slightly higher, than the percentage the day before. and i will not allow myself to fall down the hill. i'll either remain on that spot till i regain my strenght and continue my journey up. a journey up the hill where the tip is where i rest in peace, knowing that i have became a better person than the person i was the day before.

friends and life

ever since i stopped workin at Studeo Grafix, my life is a mess. its totally meaningless! i dont know what i want to do throughout the day, i dont know what my plans are for tomorrow... i want to do something to my life but i just, dont feel like it now.
I DONT FEEL LIKE ANYTHING!

well in life, whatever we do, we have to do it with a purpose. if i wanna buy try on that expensive pair of boots, its ridiculous but yeah i just wanna look hawt in it for a while.

ok lousy example, i think my bloggin skills dropped, not that it was good all along but anyway...
there's this thing in life that i keep doing but i dont see the point of doing but i still am, doing.
you know us at this age, being somewhere around 18 till 23 or more, is the time when you lose the people around you, the ones you care, the ones you love, the ones you cherish.

we were in the same class for so many years in high school. not that we got close results but yeah, we were in the last class of pure science, fail the subjects and yeahhh! we get to be together! we use to make a fool out of ourselves in school, having the time of our lives... hey! thats the time when you get to break rules and ave fun getting away with it isnt it? then after we graduate, we just... lost contact. not that we hate each other, its just that we have different rings of friends. we still hang out now, like, once a year, and yeah you guys are in KL now and all... thats the thing.

then we have the other ring of besties that werent from the same class from the start, at all. maybe just once in form 1 or form 3. we were then never in the same class but we hang out all the time before and after classes, and during recess. we have sleepovers, share clothes and spill juicy updates. then one started college the other too and we see each other... not often. once a year? or maybe twice... then one goes away to further her studies and.. yeah thats the thing.

after that its the ring of college friends, from all over the world, from different backgrounds, different schools, different states or countries, and of course age and position when some are already parents. and now that im no longer in college, we still hang out but, yeah not often.

then you have another ring of friends, those you actually know through friends but u both just dont hang out with the one in the middle anymore. like A knows C through B and A is now really close with C and B just disappeared. awkward but yeah that's my other ring of friends, or friend actually. best of friends, everything clicked. anddddd she went away to study.

then you have those who work and the only time you have left is, really late nights out. short late nights out actually. and im not a night person cause sleep and health is forever my priority...
this ring includes my ex collegues actually. that ring is... hard. hard to book a time and all and eventually we see each other less.

then there's the ring of guys that i use to hang out with, till... and lost contact and... i dunno what the hell happened.

then there's the ring of exes. yeah... use to want to hang out but nop, not anymore.

sometimes i'm just left with the very few friends that i have. sometimes i needed the support from them but sometimes i get frustrated or annoyed i dont know what i should do. i dont stay angry but i just dont feel like it anymore. at times i do think its my own fault if problems arise, sometimes i just think that, if we dont click, we dont click, what to do when it keeps happening over and over again? having all the other rings of friends no where near me made me feel so lonely if i were to lose the very few ones around me. not to lose them but, to take a break or something. friends arent for people to dump or not. but whats the purpose of hanging out together when i know i wont be happy and all... simply cause they are the very few left and i dont wanna be lonely for now?

its rare to find the ones that can make each other feel so comfortable. i have many many different rings of friends. all having different personalities, if i were to throw a party and all are invited, i can gurantee they wont click.

i might be going away to study next year. where ever i go, i'll lose everybody until i come back, or they come back or untill i get new ones. even families and close ones. i might start a new job and god knows how my life would be like when that happens. sometimes, you just needed one person, one that can turn turn your bad day good by just being around. that one person that when you won a trip for 2 to bali, without even blinking you said u wanna go with him/her. one that you feel so comfortable you can share anything and everything. that one person that you could tell him/her...
"i saw this shirt the other day it was so nice but my size was sold out, they hav your size so i figured you could have a look, i know u'll look great in it"
"we had problem, i dont know what to do..."
"orange really doesnt fit you"
"come lets do something crazy like running across the park screaming with our hands in the air"

one that says to you...
"take that scarf off its ugly"
"u cant have that, its really bad for your cholesterol. have this instead. it tastes just as nice"
"i know things are troubling you, wanna stay over at my palce so you'll hav company?"
"nothing can come between us... we'r more than BFFs"

or something like that... i dont know what kind of post is this, some things are troubling me and i dont know what to say... am i being dependent? i really needed company...

be grateful for what i have, or dont have. know no regrets in life. know my goals in life. screw it, i'll just let my life live me instead of me living my life.

wheeeeeeeeaaaaaaaooooooooo

I'm officially done with Studeo Grafix!
no more bubble wraps for me! now to stop slacking, get my ass to have a final blog post on studeo grafix and get my list of jobs cleared before the end of december!
i have no idea my life could turn out to be this lazy and meaningless after i stopped working. lol...
will blog soon!

leaving...

its a tuesday. tomorrow is a wednesday. then its thursday. then its the last day at studeo grafix.

having all those stressful days at work all the while made me count down the days till my internship ends, so i can get back to life, spend more time with the people around me, go out with liang. go for trips, spas, parties etc.

but its not what i want right now, anymore. its not possible. aint gonna happen.

im starting to feel sad, that im leaving here. sad that certain problems just doesnt have solutions to it. sad that i have to let go. sad that im still uncertain of my future. sad that friends are leaving too (we'll miss u bin). sad that i cant find myself. sad to be stuck in situations i cant handle. im no longer the cheery person you see anymore. i dont know me anymore.

a whole new me is who u'll see. i'm definately changing. to who i do not know. i dont feel comfortable in my own skin now. and my own skin has led to many things that is... really bad.

i do like to work in studeo grafix. how i wish i can love writing more. how i wish my english n my writing is so much better than it is right now. i might take this chance to brush up on my english and maybe, come back here to work someday. and brush up on my time management skills too. with these 2 points, i believe i can get jobs done in short periods of time, and go home early. cause the only thing i think is wrong about this company is the working time. if the company cant develop a system to hire more so employees can punch out on the right time, then employees have to do their part to make sure they get to punch out at the right time. but oh well, not like im going to continue to work here anyway. what m i saying!??

i'll be more thick-faced.
i'll eliminate self-blaming syndrome by saying "i can do it people! and im going to prove it"
i'll be more confident, focus on my strenghts and toning down my weaknesses.
i'll be strong.
i'll smile my way through everything cause it lights me up and it lights the people around. cause i cant wait for ppl to light me up.i'll be more optimistic. even if the world falls down... (everybody's gonna die with me! wahahaha!!) even if i lose a leg... at least im alive and i can play with the wheelchair! even if i lose a loved one...... i guess its, at least i had it before, some didnt have it all along. you have to fall to know there's a hole in the middle of the road.
i'll cover the facts with positive thoughts. even though the fact is that i have only 3 months to live, i'll make sure i die a happy person. im going to die and nothing's gonna change that, its a fact and i'll just have to accept it.
i'll make lists of everything im doing and going to do.
i'll take up a hobby.
i'll lead, im done following the pack.
i'll make myself skilled, noticed and wanted. so people dont choose me, i choose the people.
i'll give myself a healthier diet plan and i'll schedule weekly exercises.
i'll set a goal. an aim, a target. n work towards it with my eyes on the prize.

note: if you hear me say 'i dont know', hit me n make sure i do know. not until i say 'i really really dont know!' (with 2 reallys)

Girls are better - thats the title ==)

stay strong girl,
you're not the attention seeking girl you see
you're no weakling you are what you are
you use to be tough, and now you still are
dig it up girl dig it up..
lets not give up its just defeated.
all you need is to gather your own army.
they say to make love, not war, what do you think?

you buy your own shoes damit fight your own fears.
you reach out for your own napkin damit wipe your own tears.
you write your own songs damit sing it yourself.
you earn your own money damit spend it yourself.
you design your own bags damit catwalk your own stage.
cause nobody will write your diary for you, its your own page...

kill it before it kills you,
sacrifices are made only for the best of these 2.
why the hell should the weakling lose
when she build her own shield too.
giddy up girl giddy up now...
run with the wind you're your own horse now.
shake it up girl now shake it up...
dance to the music its all you have now.
make your own swords cause there aint no prince.
slay your own dragon and be your own king.
cause after the dragon you have the midgets,
the goblins the wolves the monsters and things.
you were captured and you cant sit in the cage and cry
while wait for people to save you you might not survive.
why do stories show girls so weak and helpless.
and wait for the knight, when they might not come and help us.
cant they save themselves? its just some freakin cage.
pick the lock (girl) you have manicured long nails.
sneak pass the guards (girl), you tip toe better cause you wear high heels.
knock the guards out (girl), cause you can kick them in the balls.
run through the jungle (girl) cause you can squeeze under the trees that fall.
if he can do it, you can do better.
you're not born with it, so you have to do some extra homework.
get your own grades so you dont need tuition.

you have your own company, you are your own twin
you have your own courage, you're destined to win
you have your own life, you live it your way
you have your own dreams, you fight for it everyday.
you have your own nightmares, fight against it lah
you have your own support, confidence and style.
you're your own you, no one can replace you

cause im stronger!! than yesterday.
and nothing aint gonna stand in my way.
cause im fiercer!! than yesterday.
i'l bite your head of if you're annoying my day.
cause im tougher!! than yesterday.
hit me right in my face and then you'll pay.
cause im more courageous!! than yesterday.
cause i RAWR my way through my journey.
i dont care if people fear me
cause i know deep inside who's that girl in me.

im not that fragile. cause cracks wont break me.
im not that brittle, cause the sides wont snap.
i not that stupid, cause i can do so much better.
im not that naive, cause i've grown up to be greater.

i've been through hell, n im aiming for heaven.
i'll want my own wings and a halo to tell them
i can be my own angel, though its not a guardian one.
i can be my own knight, though its a female one.
i can be my own driver, though its a small car.
i can be my own person, i dont care who you are!!!!!

i wrote a new song ==) they're jumbled up. the long ones are the verse. the short ones are the bridge. the middle lenght ones are the chorus the last one is the ending verse. ==D repeat the chorus yourself. lol...

Any Suggestions???? (for the title...lol)

Why is it always when you have to put your head into studying, when you need to focus and will your every single cell into studying.....the end result is you staring into space, or just walk around aimlessly, and try to find something else to do, like take the rubbish out..

GoOOOODNESSS GRACIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am really going crazy trying to study with the vision of me boarding the plane home just right ahead!!!

I think i feel something loose inside my head ==D !!!

I think i am getting a little emotional these days.....


Ahhhhh...how i wish..................................................................



wish................................................................

Sorry for this very extremely random post......

once again, another day at work...

i know i can!
be what i wanna be!
if i work hard at it,

i'll b where i wanan beeeee

watch me RAWR!!

note: thats not my motivational song.

it just popped into my mind.

lol... an hour til 6, 3 jobs in hand.

one i've been doin since 9am.

way the go me. whee.

eeeek!!

ERGH! CANT... STOP... the. URGE!!

I WANT AN XPERIA!!!

i donwanna an iPhone anymore. hahaha... finally!! Sony Ericson came out with a phone with a qwerty pad. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.................
i wan i wan i wan i wan i wan...
sorry Apple, i like this one more. hehe!

brand: Sony Ericson
series: Xperia
model: X1
price: RM3000 + -
camera: 3.2 megapix

owkey! this is my goal. im going to get it for myself next year. i'll save up my salary i dont care. i'll sell both my LG and Sony Ericson. tho they are still in very good condition.
i want an X1!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!
latest it'll end up to be a treat for myself on my birthday. hahaha....

10 keys to success...

Think positive.
OPTIMISM.

Believe in yourself, God and your country.
FAITH.

Know what’s important each day; set your priorities accordingly.
PLANNING.

Have the courage to stand alone when taking the big risks in life.
DETERMINATION.

Think big, dream big, keep success in your mind.
VISION.

If you think you can’t, you’re right. Winners have positive attitudes.
ATTITUDE.

Set goals. Plan how to achieve them.
GOALS.

Try and try again until the goal is achieved. Never give up.
PERSEVERANCE.

Learn to accept your mistakes, but make them only once.
KNOWLEDGE.

Choose work you like. Enjoy the challenges.
ENTHUSIASM.

“To thine own self be true.”

As the title say...believe in yourself....
Don't let anyone sway you...listen to people but trust yourself in making your decisions....
Cause at the end of the day the final word goes to you....

A lil something for everyone around me,be it family or friends ==D

A lil something i came up with during lecture ==D
I know my drawing isn't the best, but its the thought that counts right ==P

note : inspirations from pacman? ==P





note " was supposed to be a cloud, but after drawing the "mouth" for the cloud it turned out like a nose for an elephant, so yeah...haha...oh and the last word in the pic says "angry"





note : if you look closely the eyes and mouth are "ears too".... to emphasize on being all ears ==D




That's it for now....a good student has got to pay attention no?? hehe....
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!! haha...
I'll be here, or around, or somewhere..... if i am needed....

Specially dedicated to my 2 jie (who just celebrated her 24th birthday) and my beloved "ohma" (mom, who is gonna have her birthday soon).....though i don't think they read my blog ==D

爱上, 以及好怀念的一首歌

怀念 - 蔡依林

关起满室不足的氧气
点着烟蒂回味你的呼吸
搜索脑里未完的龃龉
对着空气还击着你的问题
推辞每次真实的相聚
困着自己渴望着你的消息
沾沾自喜拒绝的魅力
不着痕迹享受着与你的距离
也许喜欢怀念你多于看见你
我也许喜欢想象你多于得到你
我关起满室不足的氧气
点着烟蒂回味你的呼吸
怀念 / Hoài Niệm lyrics on
http://music.yeucahat.com/song/Chinese-French/15378-Hoai-Niem~Thai-Y-Lam.html
散落一地断续的谜语
对着空气还击着你的问题
推辞每次真实的相聚
困着自己渴望着你的消息
翻来覆去甜蜜的话语
故作神秘延续着你的好奇
也许喜欢怀念你多于看见你
我也许喜欢想象你不需要抱着你
啊~~~啊~~~
也许喜欢怀念你多于看见你
我也许喜欢想象你受不了真一起啊~



这是我第一次,使用普通话 (our original language ==P) 写post....又没有中文之星, 需要使用 online language translator, 一个一个字翻译, 写得很困难 (couldn't get xin ku ==S bitter doesn't translate to ku..... )
但是, 我 can do it !!!! 因为我最强 ==P !!!!!