Happy New Year

It's another year gone, another year of experience, another year of lessons learned, hopefully I've become a better person from everything I've gained throughout the year.
How did the past year treat you? Did all of you have a good year overall?
Even if it wasn't the best year you've had, don't be sad as it is the hardships that build and shape us into what we are...be strong as another new year of uncertainty faces us, but how we deal with it, how we overcome it and the outcome will usually be in our hands.

If I've offended someone or caused pain throughout the year, I sincerely apologise.

Throughout the year, I've met new people, reunited with old friends, supported by my ever present family members, and also a special person who've supported me and was always there....I thank them, for giving me the life I have, bringing me smiles, being there at times when i needed them most...though we are no longer what we are 2008 would be etched in my brain as memories i hold dear....

I wish you all a better 2009 than this year...

Can't think of much to say, a lil jaded from all the meetings with everyone...but nonetheless it's always very nice to see everyone of you again....
May our friendship carry on from this year to the next....

sleepless night

i had a dream. that i threw away my favourite comb ==(
last week my childhood nightmare came back and haunt me.
it was the losing-control dream nightmare.
i usually wake up crying...
now, i just wake up petrified.

rejectophobia

i have a fear of rejecting people. or any chance of making a person sad will make me feel bad for such a long period of time. i dont know how long it takes for me to get over tiny things like that.

the friends request on my facebook is piling up. what should i do?
i dont want strangers on my list. everybody in my facebook are the people i really know.
but then again, they are such nice people to add me, they are friendly people who wants to make new friends.
i couldnt be so cruel could i? thats not cruel right?
maybe i know them but i dont remember. ok thats making me feel even worse.

ok i'll just leave them there till i make friends with them or at least talk to them in person.

me and my nerves

i was nervous. so nervous i was babbling.
whats wrong with me?

all about me.

me and my hormones.
me and my big mouth.
me and my temper.
me and my patience.
me and my thinking.

its so all about me at times dont you think so?

i need a new me. what i want for christmas.

Merry Christmas

To the people who are just saying at home and surfing sites, reading blogs......MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!
May your christmas not be this boring, go out, have fun, wish strangers "merry christmas", buy a random gift for your closest friend or give it to the first friend you see walking on the street....

The more you give the more you receive people!!!!!!

So watcha doing with your butt on that chair....GOGOGO!!!!

HOHOHO!!!!!!! ==P

everything's heavy

i dont feel like anything!
i dont know what the hell is wrong with me.
i switched on the usual games i play. in 2 mins i clicked exit.
then i went to facebook, its so slow i x'ed it.
i switched on my radio.
then i took out my nail polish and started painting my nails. after i started on my left thumb,
i took a tissue and wiped it off. shoved the bottles into my drawers. and offed the radio. they arent playin the music i wanna hear now.
i stared at the unfinished books beside my table and thought to myself, nahh i don feel like reading.
then lippy msged me on msn. after a few replies i dont feel like replying him anymore.
then dominic msged me on msn. i replied "=.=" and stopped replying him.
after that i was thinkin, maybe i should exercise. i picked up the dumbells and, put them back. they seem a lil heavier than they usually are. my arms are too tired for exercises.
there's nothing i can do with my laptop. nothing to do online.

i sat staring at my laptop and thought. yeah i should blog. but i just did! what to blog now?

ishk. whats wrong with me. i think i should sleep.

another week till january. holiday's over. i should start looking for a job.
my arms feel heavy. my head feels heavy. my body feels heavy. my heart feels heavy.
still feeling the gastric pain. been ahving abnormal bleeding for 4 days now. and i thought it would go away...

i think i should sleep. sighhhhhhh.... i dont feel like anything at all

the eve of xmas eve

its christmas eve's eve! and im home early with gastric. the second last thing i want for christmas this year. maybe its the beer. maybe its dinner. maybe its just my stomach. or maybe its my luck.

oh well. merry be-earlied christmas everyone...

might write myself a new year resolution list if im that free.

Doraemon was here...

not a big fan and i never watch or read doraemon comics but, whatever. lol

"hi u sexy!" *flirt flirts* - Jo.

"pinch my nose please... whee! i want a bigger nose than Rudolph!" - Doraemon.


"hey stop staring!" - Lian.

"boobies? at this age? they might be implants. let me be the judge." - Jo.


"Mmm... i want a darling as huggable as this" *in total bliss* - Bit.


"Oi no kidnapping!" - Queensbay Mall security guards.
"oops..." - Bit.
group photo?

Bin bought this for her trip to America. its really nice! they are suppose to take the word Hong Kong behind me. just so that i look like im in Hong Kong right now. lol!

all taken 2 weeks ago. i still have my straight hair. lol...
more pics in Bin's blog...

The Zahada Quiz

i got stuck at level 23.

AHHHH!!!!

try the quiz. the number of the question is at the top left. so the page you open will be the first question by itself.

http://www.mcgov.co.uk/riddles/level1.html

or >click<

choleric me?

a few things lately have made me realise that actually, there is a little Bree in me. the Bree in desperate housewives.

yesterday i went to the education fair at PISA, and there was this personality test at the booth of Nilai university college to find out which type of course and which type of work suits the person more. Fi was testing it out and i wanted to test too. it turned out to be that i am a choleric. they say that there are no good and bad in every personality. it has its own good and bad behaviour. but cholerics sound so... bossy, stubborn, demanding and all. ==( am i a bossy person?

anyway the 4 types of personalities are...

Choleric: This is the commander-type. Cholerics are dominant, strong, decisive, stubborn and even arrogant.
Melancholy: This is the mental-type. Their typical behaviour involves thinking, assessing, making lists, evaluating the positives and negatives, and general analysis of facts.
Sanguine: This is the social-type. They enjoy fun, socialising, chatting, telling stories - and are fond of promising the world, because that's the friendly thing to do.
Phlegmatic: This is the flat-type. They are easy going, laid back, nonchalant, unexcitable and relaxed. Desiring a peaceful environment above all else.

i make lists in my head on almost everything.

i am not decisive at all, i cant decide on almost everything cause i am so afraid of making the wrong decisions and regretting it later on. i cant even decide on which flavour of pretzel to take! its either a powery one like cinnamon sugar and sour cream and onion, or a liquidy one like choc eclair or almond with dip. those are the usual ones that i take. or to take the usual nice ones, or try a new flavour. then i dont think i'll end up liking it and then it makes me think again, i could stand in front of the stall for 15 mins to decide on a flavour.

i am also a social type. i can basically talk to strangers non stop and i believe i am a really talkative person, hope its not annoying talkative. and i hate awkward silence. thats why i talk. lol...

extremely impatient. i like to get things done fast. if i dont i get really frustrated and cranky. probably cause i didnt want to waste precious time when you can actually do something with it.
i get bored really easily. its also stated in all the horoscope books on Geminis actually.
i am actually emotional and expressive. if im happy i can jump around and i dont care if i look like a fool in public. when im sad, i really am sad and im really bad at hiding fears tears giggles and... yeah alot of things.
i like peaceful environments but i am definately not unexcitable and i dont know if i am laid back or not.

definately not a born leader cause im afraid to lead. what if i let my group members down? but i'd lead if i see like (no offence but) useless lazy poeple in my group i'd stand up and fight for the leader's position cause i dont trust my grades in the hands of a person who fails almost all the subjects all the time. now i sound like a bad bossy person T.T

i cant afford to make even the slightest bad decision! includin eating just 1 extra prawn, which i could have saved up the additional cholesterol food to eat twisties instead. then i wont be able to brush the thought off my mind for at least like an afternoon or evening.

more info on cholerics...

• You are strong-willed and decisive, independent and self-sufficient.
• You are not easily discouraged and can be unemotional when necessary.
• You are capable of running anything and exude confidence.
• You are an expert in exerting sound leadership, establishing goals and able to motivate the family in to action.
• You always know the right answer and organize the household.
• You are very goal oriented, see the whole picture and organize well.
• You seek practical solutions to problems and move quickly to action.
• You delegate work but insist on productivity.
• You make the goals, stimulate activity and thrive on opposition.
• You have little need for friends and will work for group activity.
• You often lead from the front, organize and are usually right.
• You excel during emergencies

A Choleric is focused on getting things done, but can run rough-shod over others. They are decisive and stubborn.
A Melancholy is a highly talented person, they have brilliant ideas, although sometimes they can paralyse themselves with over-analysis. Lists and "doing things the right way" are characteristics of this personality type.
A Sanguine gets on well with people and can get others excited about issues, but cannot always be relied upon to get things done. They love interacting with others and play the role of the entertainer in group interactions. They have a tendency to over-promise and under-deliver.
A Phlegmatic is neutral - they tend not to actively upset people, but their indifference may frustrate people. They try not to make decisions, and generally go for the status quo. They care about people and harmony.

take for example yesterday. i went to bin's hse for a stay over. we stayed up till 4.30am and i was sooooo slpy i fell right asleep when the lights are off. and guess what? i forgot to brush my teeth! something that i have not done in my entire life since... well maybe when i was in primary or in kindergarden. i cant live without the feeling of a clean minty mouth every day and night. i cant stand people with bad breath and rotten teeth. untidy teeth is ok but rotten ones? no. even my dentist said i brush my teeth too much.
before that bin took her contact lense off when she reached home. without washing her hands with soap. my eyes were kinda dry and i wanna take them off too. i washed my hands with soap, rubbed and rinsed it with saline water and place them in fresh lense solution. and i thought to myself. am i the only one who does that all the time?
as i was the one who set the alarm the night before, i woke up earlier than the rest of them even after at least 1 hour of snoozing. i brushed my teeth, bin's mom bought ban chang kuey. i was up and eating already and they are all still in bed. then i spotted a hp charging in the corner. i had to switch it off. i dont know who's hp is it, charging overnight can kill the lifespan of a battery. i had to switch it off. im till on my holiday, i can actually sleep till late but i dont want to. cause no.1 we have to go to butterworth, 2, hav lunch, 3, go for a movie, 4, maybe a spa (or not) and 4, be home by 4pm cause bin has rehersals. plus (5) if i wake up late i will sleep really late at night and it will 1, turn my biological clock upside down. 2, in time make me look older than i actually am, 3, affect my health, 4, add more eye bags on me when the past 2/3 months have given me balloon sized eyebags that i wish i could just pop it with a needle. 5, its not my house. 6, i just couldnt sleep till too late ok? hahaha...
then when they were still getting ready, even though i know she has a maid, i cudnt stand the junk food wrapers and empty bottles on the floor. i had to pick them up.

so i told bin n asked her about it and she said "good la, perfectionist."

then i thought of what liang told me about a friend who is like the virgo in virgos. ultimate perfectionists.

me? a perfectionist? you gotta be kidding! though i am not sure what i am still. my lack of capability in juggling my life between my work life, social life, love life, family life and all the other lifes in me costed me to lose an extremely valueable, meaningful and happy life. when i hav been trying so hard on so many things at so many times to juggle between them.

even bin told me, she's leaving in a few days. she cant spend every minute with edwin even if the both of them wanted to. cause she needs to do alot of other things. which includes going out with all of us and all. she cant stay over his place too often cause she needs to be with her mom at home as well. she had to run errands and get a few things settled. do rehersals for a performance on wednesday. she had to juggle all of those things in life. and she couldnt spend too much time with edwin. it totally make sense. unless he doesnt mind to run errands and all with her and all....

sleep, to me, is extremely important. aside from the points listed above, i know myself, that if i dont get enough sleep, i will be cranky throughout the day. when people talk to me i cant contentrate or pay attention. my brain turns really slow and i cant initiate topics. i cant plan and think of things on the spot, forgetting things and end up regretting the lousy decisions i do throughout the day. when i was driving just now i almost ended up in an accident 3 times! i didnt notice the motocycle that drove pass me. i didnt see the road sign and almost turned the wrong place. i cant focus and pulled the breaks on a light that just turned yellow a second ago, and i was already at the traffic lights already. what is wrong with me!? lack of sleep. yesh! i thought to myself. i cant afford all of those things. i know myself.

so there are certain things in my life that i really couldnt sacrifice. i will get very mad at myself if i were to waste unnecessary time, money, effort, etc. am i a bad person? am i a bossy person? a control freak? am i like Bree in desperate housewives? do tell me. im still trying to figure out myself.

like for example it doesnt make sense if you wanna buy a bottle of shampoo in gurney plaza when you can actually get the same one in tesco, 3 mins drive from my house. free parking. minus the jam, petrol and time. i would insist on buying the same shampoo at tesco. not being inconsiderate about the others but yeah it really doesnt make sense. unless you make the things look like they make sense.

cause if poeple explain and try to persuade me on doing something of buying something, there is actually a high chance of me falling for it.

note: this post was written on a really sleepy brain, it is very long, i didnt bother to make it short and easier to read. my brain is slow. i dont remember what i wrote 15 mins ago.

*hugs*

even though i've changed, i know who my real friends are when they stay by my side before and after the me back then and the me right now,
regardless of what i do, who i am, what i am, who i hang out with, where i go and all, giving me the company and support at times when i needed them most.

dedicating these words to all the people by my side.
im not giving names, if you know you've been hanging out with me alot lately,
you know who you are. and i love you guys...

the journey up the hill

life is about improvements.
they say "i complain that i have no shoes, until i see someone with no feet"
moral of the story? to be grateful for what you have.
positive thoughts positive thoughts positive thoughts.
look at what i have and not what i dont have!
and be grateful for having a few pairs of shoes plus feet than i can walk and jump around.

i am grateful. i really am.
grateful that im alive when jo ann has been telling me so many people died in limkokwing.
grateful that i once had such a great time when others doesnt even experiece things like this befre.
grateful i have food water and shelter.
grateful that i hav such loving and cool parents.
grateful that i have stick skinny figure when others get bulimia and anorexia trying to slim down when they actually wanna be skinnier than me.
grateful that even if i hav to wear thick glasses, at least im not blind.
grateful for having so many friends around me giving me support and company that mean so much to me.
grateful for alot alot of things.

but somehow, a part in me says a slightly different story.

if a guy is born without legs. and gotten a leg implant donated to him or something when he's 20.he got a new leg.
on the other hand, another guy got involved in an accident and lost a leg at age 20 too. he got 1 leg left on him.

both have 1 leg. who would you rather be?

the one who should be happy and grateful that at least he get to walk and jump for the first 20 years of his life? instead of mourning on how to survive the rest of his life with only 1 leg left.
or the one that should be happy and grateful to receive a new leg? instead of mourning on how unfair god is to him when everybody is born with legs except him.

for me i'd rather be the one born without legs and gained a leg instead of losing one. cause life is about improvements. sometimes you cant control the future. you cant control what is going to happen next. but the least you can do is to control your own life. cause its your life, you live it your way.

i am my own competition. if i am capable of getting myself a new car, and its a myvi. i dont care if i live in a world where everybody else around me drives a Mercedes or a BMW. what i know is, the next car that i'm going to get is not a kancil. it need not be a BMW, but it will be something better than a myvi.
or should i look at poeple with motocycles and be grateful for having te chance to own a car at all?

its not about being better than the people around me. its about being better than who i was back then.

sooooooooooo many people around me said i've changed. close friends i had since secondary. im not the me back then compared to the me right now. i do hope i've changed for the better, being a better person than the trash i was back then. somehow i realized i've gotten weaker.

i dont mind if i get a C for my grades. cause i wont feel the least grateful at all that i did not fail. with that i will always be stuck with a C grade feeling happy everyday cause i did not fail. no improvements at all. i am my own competition and i wont bother competing myself with the others. i will make sure the next grade i get would be better than a C. either remain a C, or getting a C+ is an improvement. and make sure i get a B and an A in time.

i dont care if my girlfriends get rich ass boyfriends that showers them with handphones, cars , prada and expensive food every meal.
i dont care if they have some guy who treats them like princesses.
i dont care if i dont earn alot of money compared to the people around me.
i dont care if im born with high cholesterol when everybody around me gets to eat everything they want, anything they want at their own will. (tho my hormones makes me depress at times)
i dont care if they have a great job and a great life.
i dont care if this friend gets really famous on tv and advertisements.
i dont care if the people around me are born with the perfect figure, pretty face, great personality likable to every bug around them. i wanna look back to a picture of me 4 years ago and say to myself, wow i've gotten so much prettier compared to the me back then, dark, skinny with short hair and braces.
i dont care even if some friend has better fashion sense than i do.

cause if i keep comparing, it will never end. how could anybody be happy? that includes comparing myself with the people worse than me. not that i dont care if a girlfriend lost her dad. i will help her in many ways that i can to improve her life in other ways, like giving her company, going to the movies with her, a place where she use to go with her dad, or something like that. but i wont be comparing.
the only thing that i'll be comparing, is to compare me to myself. all i care is improvements on myself and my life. i want to move further up a notch to who i am, what i am and where i am right now.

i dont mind not being the 100% as long as the percentage is the same or slightly higher, than the percentage the day before. and i will not allow myself to fall down the hill. i'll either remain on that spot till i regain my strenght and continue my journey up. a journey up the hill where the tip is where i rest in peace, knowing that i have became a better person than the person i was the day before.

this christmas...

a written scroll

she could have seen it coming, when they named themselves romeo and juliet,
it was her knight, saving her from sorrow.
finally she thought she could live happily ever after,
romeo and juliet never did, they died to live forever.

what went wrong she wondered?
flashes of his words came into her mind.
he said, wait for me, dont leave me...
she said, i'll wait for you no matter what happens.
she forgot to ask him to not leave her when he did.

the months were short, it was less than half a year. just a mere few months, it was too short, she kisses her hp everytime before pressing the send button, wishing somehow he receives the kiss she sent along with her smses.

she had all the time to plan adventures. but no time to explore them.
they still could, but whats the point when it takes off half part of the plan?
its too short she says, way too short together.
if life is so short, what if they'll never survive pass tomorrow?
what if she'll die regreting not going on a roller coaster with him?
cause obviously she's not regretting for being on long distance for him.
however she might regret, not being with him earlier.
cause the time is too short, she lives for today and not think about tomorrow.
what went wrong?

nothing in the world is perfect but juliet sees perfection differently.
it was the feeling she felt, having him close to her.
her definition of perfection isnt the gifts he gave, it says the way their topics clicked in neverending wave.

it says how their hands fit, the way it communicates without words. how a simple hand to hold says so much more than it.
sometimes it tells her "i love u so much". sometimes it tells her "i wanna hold your hand till every single one of my hair turns grey". sometimes when he moves his thumb a lil it means "hey, is everything okay?" sometimes when his fingers twitch, it says "what a happy day this is". sometimes when his fingers tickles her palm it tells her he has a smile on his face. a squeeze on the hand sometimes means "don worry, everything will be okay" and it gives so much support. now the only thing she fears, is that she wont get to hold that hand anymore.

her definition of perfection shows when he does funny faces to the baby girl on the next table at dinner. it reminds her of what she did yesterday at the mall, to the baby in the stroller.

her definition of perfection says how she's always cold. how he's always warm, it warms her from head to toe.
her difinition of perfection says how they always say the same things at the same second after finishing up each other's sentences.
her definition of perfection says how she hates it when he knows she's up to something.
her definition of perfection shows when a simple hug from him made every problem in the world alot less harder to manage.
and how she blushes at times though she hates to admit it.
her definition of perfection says how her heart cant beat any slower when he has his hands around her waist. that tickle in her heart, no magic can erase.
her definition of perfection says the random smses and *pops*, that made her smile when her day is coloured in grey.

she wants her own career but...
to her nothing is more important than her own family. the same goes to her future family.
she doesnt mind if she doesnt earn alot. as long as she knows she has her family's support.
maybe she's a girl, its ok to have that thought. maybe if she's a guy, she'd put career and others further up the spot.
it is what he did, or at least he said he's doing. perhaps a better wife is what he needs in his future.

she understands it all, its just her own heart now.
the ocasional thoughts is what breaks her mental support.

it was great, she didnt want anything better. she did her best, she didnt want them to suffer.

she can never hate him, cause her love was too strong. however she wished she did, at least she could fall asleep on pillows that are dry...

she already had his all, simply by knowing where his heart lies.
to brush his teeth first thing in the morning, made her feel she'll wake up with a minty surprise.

its for her to decide, what exactly is his all. maybe if she did much more, he'll know he had her all.

she might cry now and smile later, but she knows it'll always be a smile. cause nobody can make her laugh, except her baby bear.
all the 20 years she smiled, finally the laugh was there.
the laughther turned to tears in a zap, there was no in between...

if turning back time leave me still with my sorrow, i guess it'll still be better. at least my heart that was once a 1, is better than now 0. it turned from a 1 to a 9.9 one shot. then it was cut from 9 to 0. all she wants is a rate higher than the original 1. its ok if its not a 9 or 10, she doesnt mind a 2 if its at least better than 1.

running away from problems is what she see actually.
there's nothing she can do, if this is what makes him happier you see.
its what makes his life way more easier.
i guess she's no longer the candy he prefers.

the things he says, the way he thinks, it was so different from the smses she once receive. did he change? he said no. did his heart change? he said no. did his way of showing love change then? i don really think so.
so what changed she wondered? but her mind was too tired.

all along she was waiting for a ship that never came. staring at the oceans with only a thought that says "he'll be back, he said he would". and that thought alone was enough to kept her alive waiting by the ocean shores. the ship never came, she got a note sealed in a bottle. it floated towards her, it says "dont wait, dont bother". it says "my ship is wrecked, to stay afloat it cant carry alot. i took my family, studies, career, health, travels, friends and so much more on board."

life will treat her better, if she lets it be. whatever it is she will never again put in her all, for fear once again she'll fall. to mend her heart, there can only be one way. that one way is not for him to stay for now. that one way happens when her happy ending arrives somehow.
the story can only have 1 prince 1 princess 1 knight, and another plain cottage girl, sewing late till night. i guess its not up to her, who decides who is who....
i dont know what else she can do

p/s: i love u

another pic for my hair

i dont have a better pic for now. ==D

Pyonji.... (Letter)

Darling....

Come to think of it 11 months is a short time, but the past 11 months will forever be etched in my memory as it has been filled with all kinds of emotions I've never experienced. It was never perfect but it was as close to perfection as a circle is round.
I have always been someone you can lean on, and for these times I hope I've been someone you can really rely on.
There were times that put tears in your eyes, but I hope it was the smiles that outnumber the tears.

I wish I could have given reasons that doesn't sound like excuses but all I have to say is already said, thinking about it and making more out of it will really be an excuse.
What "is" is now "was", does not mean what will be is certain, what may not might not be never.
There is plenty I wish I could have done better, there is plenty I should have done better...but for you, I really have put in my all.

You might hate me one day, but I still hope it is a smile that comes to you face instead of a frown.
I don't know why it is or why it has to be, but right now what is best for you is not to wait, as what is best for me is to walk.
If I can't give you my all then I don't want to give you anything.
If you are just getting 3 quarters of me, and I get all of you, I'd rather not have you because that isn't my all....
If brushing my teeth comes to mind the first thing I wake up and you second, it is as if I have cheated on you.
If it is going to sadden you throughout that period, I'd rather make you cry now and see you laugh later on.

You might say it is wrong the way I love, but it is me a part of me that i cannot change.
If there is one more chance to turn back time, I would have chose not to be with you so I don't have to see you in such pain now.
It is my fault that things turn out like that, I wish I could give a little more but I have given my all, or maybe it is just I that have been the lesser one. Maybe I have overestimated my own capacity, maybe it is I who is weak.


Farewell is inevitable, but what lies ahead is something we have to search for....
and I hope whatever lies ahead treats you well, i hope life treats you kind.
While you put this into your past I hope the future brings you happiness in a bunch....compared to the little joy i brought to your life in this short period of time...

PS : Thanks for everything...

the day the earth stood still

The Day The Earth Stood Still is a LOUSY MOVIE!!

the story line was owkayyy. but everything else is lousy. so im rating it a 2 over 10. it was originally 1.5. Keanu Reeves made the additional 0.5. haha!

its about some alien called Klaatu, comin to the planet earth to save the earth... form humans. having spheres as arcs and the giant steel guy as noah. ahaha! they save animals and plan to wipe the whole planet clean cause humans kept 'killing' earth.

the giant steel guy shot laser out of his eyes to blast the air crafts or something. and that, is very power ranger-ish. hahaha! the spheres looked fake and... yeah just dont watch its a lousy movie. ahaha! up to a certain point they were crying in the cemetery, i guess that was meant to make the audiences cry too or something. it was awkward when all of a sudden people cry... i dont know i find it, a lil stupid. sorry! i had to say it. hahaha

12 of us watched the movie together. its been soooo long since i've seen Jo Ann. and i forgot to take pics!

anyway the movie was actually a remade version. the original one was in 1951 or something. maybe thats why the guy shot laser out of his eyes, to follow the original version. haha!

*scribble scribble*

weeds be part of the roads in life
doors and pathways are for us to find
different paths lay different things
notice the tiny ones, what give what brings
go south they say, but my heart craves for north
sometimes u hear, follow your heart, that's wrong.

remains of it turns into dust and ashes
mind body heart and soul speaks for words that clashes
none of the red is sweet when its blood
dancing under the rain with roses in cotton candy flood

meanings in life, what do they mean?

offering mysteries and roads i cant see

how i longed for a fairy tale to be

bad things has to happen though no villians in script

my path is uncertain, let alone my life

looking at it now makes me doubt and wonder
very often i was struck by thunder

living that life, where does it lead to?
feeling that warmth, do i still have a cold spot?

is this how it'l be? will i walk, fly or fall?

ill always be building a shield frm now
over it all in case i fall
everything lies in the hands of me
underneath beautiful stars, the bright sun and...... uncertainty

wedding photos 2

These are the ones in KL...

I was the video camera man for the day...


We were waiting for the groom to come to pic the bride up, it was at Sunway Resort....the suite she lived in was....SWEET ==P


and waiting....


My cousin (the door man, the one who opens the car door) and I....still waiting...


"OK, WE ARE DONE WAITING!!!! ==D" they were late......as in someone told us they were gonna arrive but didn't until like 15 minutes later...

note : I did not pose for the pics above....that's why i look weird in some but it suits the captions so....yeah...lol


Look at my sis here, stealing the show as if she were a star and we are all filming her ==P


The cousins and their guns?!?! hahaha...


Only the blacks......WE ARE COOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL!!!!!!


I think it was my aunt who said this was like "wu jian dao", but look at those 2 clowns spoiling the pic!!!! ==P


This was so embarrassing, it wasn't me who came up with this pose!!!! I was blushing so hard after this....



DON'T ASK ME!!!! I don know how i came out with this pic....i think i was like screaming at the camera man for whatever it was that he said...lol


My eldest sis and I...


With the newly weds......they were really busy so we didn't really have that many pics taken with them....


PS : quite a lot of people got tipsy during and after the dinner!!!! Don't know where those pics are though...

wedding photos

The photos for my cousin's wedding...PENANG
People who have my facebook most probably have seen these pics before already but anyway....


My cousin, Wang Ching and her husband....the lovely married couple!!



The kiss that seals it all!!!!


The parents that couldn't be happier...


One of the "obstacles" arranging the letters on the diapers....i was BRIBED with an "ang pau" to be part of the word ( i am the closest one to the cam which unfortunately doesn't show me ==D) it says " HH (Hao Han, groom's name) loves Ching"


This was the first block that the groom had to go through....look at all those scay looking women ==P


This was the 2nd block which is in the living room...unfortunately lots of pics during the games weren't uploaded....


The "jie mei" us boys are in there cause we are on the bride's side and we helped with the games etc.... ==D


The "heng dai"....and the groom


Family pics!!!!!!! there was a normal one, a crazy one, a random one etc....



We really are the crazy bunch....




THREE beautiful ladies and.....................ME !!!!!! ==D



Mom, Dad with my hat and ME....


Cousins, sis with her bf and me...



Everyone wants a photo with my hat ==D


mom and sis...


Told you didn't I, everyone wants my hat ==P




*sighs* after a tired day of partying!!!!! ==D

new hair for me...

if you watch america's next top model season 11, you'll know Annaleigh. she's soooo pretty!
yeah i wan her hair! hehehe...
last few pics of my very straight hair. i did not straighten it ya. hehehe!
another pic...
and... another... i know im going to miss my straight hair...
a back view... it was actually longer, my head was lookin down.
another pic...
one last pic of my really straight hair...
then it goes....
VOOFM!
my new hair! not sure if i like it yet. wished i had longer fringe. i like my fringe with straight hair but not with curls.

anyway straight better or curls better?