change of scheduale...

1 AK 5375 08JUL PENKL 2100 2150 /E

2 D7 2717 09JUL KLPER 0005 0525 /E

T.T

==(

1 SQ5359Y 11JUL 6 PENSIN 2115 2240 /DCSQ*LA57MU /E

2 SQ 225Y 12JUL 7 SINPER 0115 0620 /DCSQ*LA57MU /E

writting on a super tired brain.

avoidance is useless, cause it doesn't solve the problem.
its what cowards do, when they know it'll hit them.

acceptance is happiness. be willing to have it so, to overcome misfortunes.
make do of what we have, its when we try our best.

appreciation changes alot of things. from people to perception.
even animals know appreciation, we are friends to dogs, not their masters.

ignorance is bliss they say, how true is that?
living in my own world, i cant only see my own self alone.

sometimes when i have a feeling i try not to feel it.
at times im breathing in toxic air, but i cant try to not breathe.


anyway...
my knee is still numb, i wish my heart is too.

a heartbrbeaking sight.

the other day when i was walking to work from where i parked my car,
i found a really really cute puppy.

dead.

==( ==(
It was just a baby!! ==(

close up shot.
it was on the pavement. couldnt be knocked over by a car. could it? by a bike? or kena whacked by some heartless human.

==( ==(

==S

I have this feeling somewhere inside of me, bugging me for days.
Located right above my stomach, somewhere between my stomach, n chest.
A sorey, soury, feeling that makes me sad n emotional when I try to focus all my senses on it, to discover what is the feeling actually.
Then I'll start staring blankly at something for hours.
And it makes me feel like throwing up when I see food.
It makes me wonder if Im sick.
How do I make it go away?

I've got no inspirations whatsoever to blog. I've had this great topic I'd like to blog about, this morning. But that was this morning. Maybe its not so great but, at least a better one than this.

sore.

im sick ==(

my head hurts.
my ankle where i sprained my knee months ago, hurts.
my knee where i had a surgery last year, hurts.
my eye balls hurt.
my neck is tired. can barely support my heavy head.
my eye balls are sore.
my body is sore so is my heart.
i have a cut on my hand.

and i was sms-ing just now, back facing my towel hanger,
when i was done i was so shocked i thought somebody was standing behind me!
what the hell is wrong with me?





i need a doctor. probably a bomoh.

sleepless night

i had a dream. that i threw away my favourite comb ==(
last week my childhood nightmare came back and haunt me.
it was the losing-control dream nightmare.
i usually wake up crying...
now, i just wake up petrified.

==(

this is so not happening to me....
im a lotion freak!!
i want my soft smooth fingers back ==(

i think my skin peels off in seasons. like every year-end, this happens. or something.
im shedding skin....

=='(

GAHHHHH!!!!

=='(
=='(
=='(
=='(
=='(
=='(
=='(
=='(
=='(
=='(
=='(

i need more time and more bubble wraps =='(

33 mins till deadline n i have to re-do it all =='( =='( =='( =='(

i need somebody i could go home to everynight after a stressful day at work......

a hand. an arm. a shoulder. an ear. a hug. a snuggle. nothing more.

one day... someday... soon.

"Haru Haru" by Big Bang....a sad vid (MV)

Leave
Yeah, Finally I realize that I am nothing without you
I was so wrong, forgive me
Ah ah ah ah~

My broken heart like a wave
My shaken heart like a wind
My heart vanished like smoke
It can't be removed like a tattoo
I sigh deeply as if a ground is going to cave in
Only dusts are piled up in my mind
(say goodbye)

Yeah, I thought I wouldn't be able to live even one day without you
But somehow I managed to live on (longer) than I thought
You don't answer anything as I cry out "I miss you"
I hope for a vain expectation but now it's useless

What is it about that person next to you, did he make you cry?
Dear can you even see me, did you forget completely?
I am worried, I feel anxiety because I can't get close nor try to talk to you
I spend long nights by myself, erasing my thoughts a thousand times
[Chorus]
Don't look back and leave
Don't find me again and live (on)
Because I have no regrets from loving you, take only the good memories
I can bear it in some way
I can stand in some way
You should be happy if you are like this
I become dull day by day (eh eh eh eh)
Oh girl I cry, cry
You're my all, say goodbye...

If we pass by each other on the street
Act like you didn't see me and go the way you were walking to
If you keep thinking about our past memories
I might go look for you secretly

Always be happy with him, (so) I won't ever get a different mind
Even smallest regret won't be left out ever
Please live well as if I should feel jealous
You should always be like that bright sky, like that white cloud
Yes, you should always smile like that as if nothing happened

[Chorus]

I hope your heart fees relieved
Please forget about me and live (on)
Those tears will dry completely
As time passes by
It would've hurt less if we didn't meet at all (mm)
Hope you will bury our promise of being together forever baby
I pray for you

[Chorus]

Oh girl I cry, cry
You're my all, say goodbye, bye
Oh my love don't lie, lie
You're my heart, say goodbye

i cant...

im so

STRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

everything around me is so demanding...

i cant take it anymore....

i tried.....

i cant mend my shield.

its broken...

i've lost me shelter n security...

sorry for a sad post.

its too big for me to carry...

please make everything go away...

its 8 and im still in the office and i still hav 2 unfinished tasks...

if only i could escape.

i dont have a title for this post

i've been so busy lately. life at Studeo Grafix aint the life i want right now. i might want a life like that if im single and that i dont have a family with me now. i see collegues there, they are really happy and fun. out of the whle big company, only 1 had kids. 2 just got married. the rest are all singlers with just a quarter of them not-married single. the others? single-singlers. yeah i called those with a bf or a gf singlers too cause u know, when you're filling up a form, theres only 2 choices. married or single. hahaha... sorry cubby, don mean to call myself single but yeah im one of the quarter of the not-married singlers there. okay back to the people there, they are happy, really happy cause they spend their life at work everyday, hanging out having fun with collegues, it felt like its just another hang out doing projects. they dont have to worry about not spending time with anybody else, dont hav to worry about not eating at the right time, don have to worry about not cooking and eating outside oily cholesterolly food. they life with housemates they dont know and all they do is slp right after they got home. that's not too bad. that is, if you dont have your loved ones near you.

liang's aslp now. tired with all those birthday celebrations. its a very good thing. just that its on a weekend, the only time when i can spend more online hrs at home. getting home at 8 or 9 at night is realyl tiring. everybdy knows me! i cant live without slp and food! u know during my interview for studeo grafix, i told the interviwer, "i can work, as long as i get enuf slp and enuf food." and yeah i repeated that for quite a few times and she asked me "why are u so worried about for food and sleep?" then i was like.. wait.. i dont remember wat i told her. something like i hav to eat cause if not i'll get gastric. i have to slp if not i cant work or soemthing.

anyway my eating habits has gone out of the railway road. im having gastric pains almost everyday. sometimes i really dont hav time to eat cause i have to meet deadlines, i have my eyes glued on the pc screen from 9 to the time i get to go home. my fingers on the keyboard 95% of the times when my eyes are on the screen. the other 5%? im going round and round in circles on my chair just cause im so bored!! i cant stand boredom. how can people live like that! maybe cause im not used to the job yet. maybe cause i don really like journalism or to write. they claim that my articles arent formal or corporate enough. of course not! i've never been exposed to corporate lettes before. or even corporate profiles and all. all i read is magazines and story books! how corporate can i get? but i'l still try. try hard. cause it isnt that bad if i look on the bright side. that is.. if i look on the bright side. it might also be the reason cause i hav to keep doing amendments to my articles, slight mistakes here and there... 'article too dry'... 'whole paragraph sounded rush. needs tweaking'... 'capital letters here, spacebar there, watch the alignments'... there were alot of clumsy mistakes even after i read throuh my article before i summit. my eyes are always tired. i need protective shades when i look at the pc screen for 10 hrs in a day. sigh... hope i don get some eye tumor or cancer or something, since that my health had always been bad all along.

i write everyday and im still writing now. haha.. i just realised. now that i type so much, i might get really reallllly high marks on the typing skill challenge on facebook. haha....

anyway i dont really know what this post is about. i have 3 days off for my raya holiday. plan to go out with fi and nic. we still owe nic her bday present and bday meal. her bday was more than a month ago. everybody was busy with their internship. i guess this is how our life would be like after we officially graduate and start working. u'll lose all your collegemates, high school mates. childhood mates. cause if liang's here i'll b spending 70% of my free time with him. 25% with my parents. leaving 5% for..? my own personal private time? orr time with my girlfriends? i dont really know. oh no... im starting to miss everybody around me already. soon everybody will start to work. i might lose my girlfriends. they might lose me. and we have to find raya or deepavali holidays to hang out! ==( good thing this is a multiracial country. can make use of te raya and deepa holidays. our country could use more races with more holidays. but it might add more trouble to malaysia's political world. everybody wants a slice of the gov pie. sigh...

mayb im thinkin too much lately. there are alot of things lurking in my mind. this might sound silly but when i saw in the web cam yesterday when liang's friends were there with him to celebrate his birthday. i was jealous. i saw everybody and im jealous. very jealous. im happy that he's happy. that he has such nice friends to celebrate with him. it was my idea. but im still jealous. jealous of the poeple there, simply because they are in sydney, and im not. they got a piece of the celebration. i want one too ==( i might b goin to sydney too... soon, but not now. then i was thinkin to myself.. i must be jealous of the thousands and thousands of people living in sydney now. yes. i am. silly eh? just a thought. lurking slowly in my mind. somehow its not lurking towards the exit sign right at the corner of my mind.

this is a really long post. people might not read alot. anyway i should be in bed soon. i wouldnt get enough sleep during the weekdays. i should sleep early during weekends.

they are going to have a meeting/gathering at the end of next week. and im expected to stand out and say something. for sure they will be asking me things like "how do u find studeo grafix so far?"
"do u like working here?"
"how do u find the work here? hard to cope?"
"are you happy wokring here?"
and all that sort of a thing. and yay! im so so not prepared for the answers. i dont know wat to tell them! take note that it would be in front of everybody from the whole company. and im the first ever intern in studeo grafix. first and the only one.

i should be going off to bed. my face looks ugly from the tiny swollen bumps i had after yesterday's facial treatment. i have a lot of fat lumps below my eyes cause of my cholesterol. liang has alot too. have to control what u eat dear... the pics on today's newspaper is really scary. i wouldnt want fat lumps like that even when im old. i'd have to do plastic surgery to have it removed.

sigh.. there still are things lurking in my mind. the tired guards are petrolling my brain cells, making me use wired words as i type. chasing the tiny particles in my brain to sleep in my brain cells.locking them up in brain cells. i dont know what im typing. good night...

nothing interesting

lately its raining everyday here. looks like days without sunshine is always gloomy. looks like its going to be gloomy for 8 mnths. hehehe....

yay! exam's over. 1 more sem to go till my internships. then to my degree. then...
nyek nyek nyekkk....

my lil devil's doin his tuts now. im just doing nothing online.

i need foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!!! i need hughugs. ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry. haha...