stars...

I was at the beach last night till 4 in the morning.
The sky was so so beautiful, all i see was pitch black darkness and a blanket of thousands and thousands of stars twinkling above my head. Not much clouds. Everything was so clear.
Sea breeze through my hair... and that cleared my mind too.
It was quiet. The sound of the waves never fail to calm me.
Then there were these shooting stars, I saw it twice, two of it maybe, by myself. It was shooting really fast but it was short. If i were to put my fingers to the sky, I saw the star and its tail, 1 cm long from my view, for just 1 second.
What if the star lived for just 1 second? Cant it be given a longer life? somehow deep down i mumbled the reasons, it was just so i get to see it for a few seconds more... I didnt want it to go. 1 second was better than no seconds. But 1 second isnt enough still.

stars... they are my only companions at night.
my inspiration... they are the only things that never stop shinning in the dark.

*plays... rule the world by take that*

tired.

I'm tired.
So very tired.
Tired of planning. Tired of running. Tired of hiding. Tired of lying. Tired of everyday activities. Tired of everyday conversations. Tired of everyday thoughts.
Tired physically. Tired mentally.
My brain is tired. My eyes are tired. My arms are tired. My legs cant move. My back is sore. My knee is numb, and painful on the inside. And somehow, my heart seems tired of pumping itself.
It's the tiredness nobody could understand unless it really happens to them.

I would kill myself for a cozy cuddle around warm fire, watching a movie and falling asleep... and never wake up.
Never, ever, want to wake up again.

Karma bites.
me = livin' proof.

Anyway...
Happy Valentine's Day cubby. n everybody else ==D

i've lost my inspirations to write.

i've already lost my pen. i only have a piece of blank paper.
there's no motivation left, please dont take my inspirations away too...

all i wanted to do is to write. let me write, please let me write...?

quote.

they say in your entire life, you only fall in love once. even if you dont end up with that person, you'll end up thinking of that person throughout your remaining life.

you'll know when you do...

and i still do.

conversations lolling in my head

"hey jo i saw you and ** together. i thought you hated ** ?"
"no i do not hate **. ** is a really nice person and ** did nothing to offend me in anyway."
"but last time i thought..."
"i have never hated **. i just didnt like it when ** did something inappropriate."
(maybe i should apologize. then again i might screw up just cause im being too honest)

"do i look like i like to hold grudges towards people?"
"err... dont you?"
"hmm im not sure. anymore... do i?" "i dont lah wei..."
(i dont hate people as much as i use to. maybe hate can fade)

"i thought you wanted it. arent you happy?"
"im not sure if i am happy. but i dont think im sad... for the moment..."
(for WHAT? sigh...)

"i thought you wanted them?"
"i do, but tell me why does it pierce?"
(i still have no idea)

"he's been awkwardly nice."
"what if he wants a rebound?"
"im not sure. actually, im never sure."
"..."
"the only time that i was so sure, so very sure, was the time i screwed up the most., ended up in the worst stage in life. how can i ever be sure again? in life, and everything?"
(how can i?)

"you changed new pictures?"
"no ar, they are still the same ones."
"these arent nice. why put them anyway?"
"mm..."
(should i take them off?)

"if you aren't sorry, it means you're glad"
(yeah. duh...)

"do u think its stupid?"
"what happened?"
"i dont wanna talk about it..."
"okay, its really stupid."
"really?"
"no."
"then is it stupid?"
"..."
(who to judge?)

"that's so bad"
"ei u havent seen worse people yet"
"i dont have to lol"
(bad but, the correct thing? no? yes?)

"nah this is for you."
"wow really!?"
"mm..."
(and i forgot to say thanks)

"hey how d?"
"what how d? ma like that loh"
(questions i wish i could find better ways to answer)

"hey whats that for?"
"its for.. er.. myself."
(liar.)

"i think you should sms yourself to show sincerity."
"but how lah i dont...."
*went offline*
"sigh...."
(isnt it just the same...? im not anybody special and i dont see the need to show anything to anybody. right?)

"what if we went there and......."
(the word doesnt exist stop using it)

*flyfm plays*
"romeo take me, somewhere..."
*click - hitz.fm*
"sorry..."
(twice in 1 day? wasnt it my favourite song?)

"what about that bunch of guys?"
"what about them?"
"ohh now i see... i think it grows with age"
"i didnt expect a bunch of guys..."
"how about this year?"
"i just dont feel like it."
(dont think i have much time left..)

"dont you get it?"
"yeah......."
(no i dont)

"i think its nice"
"i dont really like it"
"im ok with it"
(should i stil wear it?)

"you think this is so easy? you're too naive. it's not possible. one has fallen. to survive, one must catch the fallen. or it dies. cause its not water nor a soft bed of wool at the bottom. its a bed of thorns, deceived by the roses on top. because only the fallen one would bleed and feel the thorns when others sees it as a mere fall on a beautiful rose bed garden."
(what can be done?)

"you know guys change so easily and they're so unpredictable"
"so are girls."
(so dont be one)

treat people the way you want to be treated. but do they deserve it? even if they dont. do you deserve it?


i really wanna watch bride wars and underworld ==(