leaving...

its a tuesday. tomorrow is a wednesday. then its thursday. then its the last day at studeo grafix.

having all those stressful days at work all the while made me count down the days till my internship ends, so i can get back to life, spend more time with the people around me, go out with liang. go for trips, spas, parties etc.

but its not what i want right now, anymore. its not possible. aint gonna happen.

im starting to feel sad, that im leaving here. sad that certain problems just doesnt have solutions to it. sad that i have to let go. sad that im still uncertain of my future. sad that friends are leaving too (we'll miss u bin). sad that i cant find myself. sad to be stuck in situations i cant handle. im no longer the cheery person you see anymore. i dont know me anymore.

a whole new me is who u'll see. i'm definately changing. to who i do not know. i dont feel comfortable in my own skin now. and my own skin has led to many things that is... really bad.

i do like to work in studeo grafix. how i wish i can love writing more. how i wish my english n my writing is so much better than it is right now. i might take this chance to brush up on my english and maybe, come back here to work someday. and brush up on my time management skills too. with these 2 points, i believe i can get jobs done in short periods of time, and go home early. cause the only thing i think is wrong about this company is the working time. if the company cant develop a system to hire more so employees can punch out on the right time, then employees have to do their part to make sure they get to punch out at the right time. but oh well, not like im going to continue to work here anyway. what m i saying!??

i'll be more thick-faced.
i'll eliminate self-blaming syndrome by saying "i can do it people! and im going to prove it"
i'll be more confident, focus on my strenghts and toning down my weaknesses.
i'll be strong.
i'll smile my way through everything cause it lights me up and it lights the people around. cause i cant wait for ppl to light me up.i'll be more optimistic. even if the world falls down... (everybody's gonna die with me! wahahaha!!) even if i lose a leg... at least im alive and i can play with the wheelchair! even if i lose a loved one...... i guess its, at least i had it before, some didnt have it all along. you have to fall to know there's a hole in the middle of the road.
i'll cover the facts with positive thoughts. even though the fact is that i have only 3 months to live, i'll make sure i die a happy person. im going to die and nothing's gonna change that, its a fact and i'll just have to accept it.
i'll make lists of everything im doing and going to do.
i'll take up a hobby.
i'll lead, im done following the pack.
i'll make myself skilled, noticed and wanted. so people dont choose me, i choose the people.
i'll give myself a healthier diet plan and i'll schedule weekly exercises.
i'll set a goal. an aim, a target. n work towards it with my eyes on the prize.

note: if you hear me say 'i dont know', hit me n make sure i do know. not until i say 'i really really dont know!' (with 2 reallys)

Girls are better - thats the title ==)

stay strong girl,
you're not the attention seeking girl you see
you're no weakling you are what you are
you use to be tough, and now you still are
dig it up girl dig it up..
lets not give up its just defeated.
all you need is to gather your own army.
they say to make love, not war, what do you think?

you buy your own shoes damit fight your own fears.
you reach out for your own napkin damit wipe your own tears.
you write your own songs damit sing it yourself.
you earn your own money damit spend it yourself.
you design your own bags damit catwalk your own stage.
cause nobody will write your diary for you, its your own page...

kill it before it kills you,
sacrifices are made only for the best of these 2.
why the hell should the weakling lose
when she build her own shield too.
giddy up girl giddy up now...
run with the wind you're your own horse now.
shake it up girl now shake it up...
dance to the music its all you have now.
make your own swords cause there aint no prince.
slay your own dragon and be your own king.
cause after the dragon you have the midgets,
the goblins the wolves the monsters and things.
you were captured and you cant sit in the cage and cry
while wait for people to save you you might not survive.
why do stories show girls so weak and helpless.
and wait for the knight, when they might not come and help us.
cant they save themselves? its just some freakin cage.
pick the lock (girl) you have manicured long nails.
sneak pass the guards (girl), you tip toe better cause you wear high heels.
knock the guards out (girl), cause you can kick them in the balls.
run through the jungle (girl) cause you can squeeze under the trees that fall.
if he can do it, you can do better.
you're not born with it, so you have to do some extra homework.
get your own grades so you dont need tuition.

you have your own company, you are your own twin
you have your own courage, you're destined to win
you have your own life, you live it your way
you have your own dreams, you fight for it everyday.
you have your own nightmares, fight against it lah
you have your own support, confidence and style.
you're your own you, no one can replace you

cause im stronger!! than yesterday.
and nothing aint gonna stand in my way.
cause im fiercer!! than yesterday.
i'l bite your head of if you're annoying my day.
cause im tougher!! than yesterday.
hit me right in my face and then you'll pay.
cause im more courageous!! than yesterday.
cause i RAWR my way through my journey.
i dont care if people fear me
cause i know deep inside who's that girl in me.

im not that fragile. cause cracks wont break me.
im not that brittle, cause the sides wont snap.
i not that stupid, cause i can do so much better.
im not that naive, cause i've grown up to be greater.

i've been through hell, n im aiming for heaven.
i'll want my own wings and a halo to tell them
i can be my own angel, though its not a guardian one.
i can be my own knight, though its a female one.
i can be my own driver, though its a small car.
i can be my own person, i dont care who you are!!!!!

i wrote a new song ==) they're jumbled up. the long ones are the verse. the short ones are the bridge. the middle lenght ones are the chorus the last one is the ending verse. ==D repeat the chorus yourself. lol...

Here I come!!!!

I can't believe i am actually going to be boarding the plane back to Malaysia......PENANGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG here i comeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's only been 4 months since i left Penang but honestly, truthfully, this is my first time actually wanting to go back home so so so so so so so so so so badly....it's been a heck of a 4months that i just wanna collapse onto my bed and sleep and relax all day...Hanging around with mom, dad and my sisters a little more....

I am actually feeling nervous of going back...i don't know why, as if i was a kid going up a roller coaster ride for the very first time.... ==)

It's been awhile, but...............................................TADAIMA!!!!!!!! ( i am home!!!!) * in advance*
==P

==(

this is so not happening to me....
im a lotion freak!!
i want my soft smooth fingers back ==(

i think my skin peels off in seasons. like every year-end, this happens. or something.
im shedding skin....

friday at work...

Its a FRIDAY!!
that means 5 more days left of me being in studeo grafix.
honestly i do feel kinda sad to leave. i realise i do like writing, just different types of writing thats all ==D
anyway here are some random pictures...

me at work...
me went to the back lane to take some pictures...


*sings* SO WHAT! im still a ROCK STAR! i've got my ROCK MOVES!
and i dont NEED YOUUUUU!
they sang this song for me, cause i was wearing pink. workin on a pink coloured client's project, with pink highlights on my printed copy on the desk. lol...
yeahh.. SO WHAT!! ==D

and more... its been a very long while........... lol...
i think my eyes need cucumber slices. T.T


siew yi bought the madagasca head gears from mcD!!

i wanted to buy. i wanted the hippo and the giraffe head gears (they are actually hair bands but called head gears lol) but that was last week and the week b4. its soooooooooo cute!
but not the zebra one. it looks a lil like the dynasty-aged china royal servants with the tall hat thing. with ears. or so they say. hahaha...

this is me today... with miky's robin-hood rubber frames. ==D

please

stay tuned people...i decided to have a relaxing holiday after i get back to Penang and the wedding i need to attend....

By then i would have plenty of time to pen my thoughts here....there's been a lot, serious ones, random ones...experiences...

Just bare with all those random posts and songs for a little more alright....

*winks*

pondering questions...

i am not a person like that.
what have i sinned?
why am i being judged for being the person that i am not?
should we be asking for more in order to receive more?
to try different ways to get what we want?
or should we just wait to be given a shiny stone for a high price?
or to be given a funky gadget to build our own dreams?
why do people far worse than me live a better life than i do?
or am i really a person worse than those really bad people?
was my closed door a hint, a guidance to lead me to another door because that's the right door for me?
or simply to test my skills, knowledge, patience and determination to have that closed door opened?
is being kind and stupid better or to be cunning and knowledgeable? if we were to choose one. nothing's perfect...
does karma really exist?
does that mean i'll get good things as long as i stay good?
do we deserve what we get?
do we deserve what we want?
do we deserve what we need?
do we deserve what we would be given?
or do we deserve to have anything close?
how fair is the world?
is the world really fair?
a rich spoiled girl might be cruel and cold hearted. a poor valley girl might be kind and loving but to the poor girl, money means alot to her even if she has the value of being kind, she still envies the rich girl's money when everyday all she have for lunch is bread and water. the rich girl might be jealous of the poor girl having more friends (and real friends) than her. the kind girl deserves the friends but does she deserve to be poor and have bread instead of roasted chicken? the cruel rich girl might deserve to have less friends but does she deserve to have puddings and pies?
some might say, one day it will turn out to be that the rich girl runs out of money and turns poor. the poor girl works hard and earns her own money and buys her own cottage. yeah but only in fairy tales.
do fairy tales really exist?
is it really all about achievements, not improvements?
can people really juggle to have all the big n small stones to fitted into the pot in a short period of time?
can people choose the life they live or its just their destiny?

***

[Added Nov 21]

will we receive more if we give more?
will others want to receive what we give?
what do we have? to offer?
will we want what i receive?
will we need what i receive?
will we even want to receive?
do we really need a receive?
do we really want what a receive?
should we be asking for a receive at all?
is fairness given or should we be grabbing it ourselves?
does the rich really get richer, the poor really get poorer?
do people judge us for our achievements instead of imporvements?
grade D to C to B doesnt get people to realise... but the straight A person gets the limelight all the while?
grades are for who to judge?
how are the grades judged?
is A ever enough or is sky the limit?
Does the person really deserve an A title?
does the person reallt deserve the B title?
the A person might or might not be evil and cunning to get the A.
but who to judge?
same goes to the B girl... no?
to give up or to keep trying?
will i be happy with the result i get?

Any Suggestions???? (for the title...lol)

Why is it always when you have to put your head into studying, when you need to focus and will your every single cell into studying.....the end result is you staring into space, or just walk around aimlessly, and try to find something else to do, like take the rubbish out..

GoOOOODNESSS GRACIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am really going crazy trying to study with the vision of me boarding the plane home just right ahead!!!

I think i feel something loose inside my head ==D !!!

I think i am getting a little emotional these days.....


Ahhhhh...how i wish..................................................................



wish................................................................

Sorry for this very extremely random post......

Alex...."a good day"

Exams.......................................==(

Let the song do the talking.....
What would the world be like without music eh.....
May this song fill your heart with warmth like it did to mine...==)

once again, another day at work...

i know i can!
be what i wanna be!
if i work hard at it,

i'll b where i wanan beeeee

watch me RAWR!!

note: thats not my motivational song.

it just popped into my mind.

lol... an hour til 6, 3 jobs in hand.

one i've been doin since 9am.

way the go me. whee.

The girls that won it all........................i present

Wonder Girls....won Best Female Group, MV and Song of the Year!!!!!

Their song topped charts for a long time, and their dance was one of the most danced in korea...

Here's their song and MV that conquered it all....

Nobody...

interesting ads

here are some interesting ads to share.
i've put them in smaller sizes cause there are alot of them.
click to enlarge ==)
note: they might look distorted abit. they are pictures i took from an archive book. i've edited it with photoshop already. the rest i just got too lasy to make it look nicer. lol... as long as you can see lah. hehe...


Band-Aid
Forgettably comfortable...

Association for nature preservation
The world needs more trees.
www.dhkd.org
Harvey Nichols Womenswear
For a wonderful life

Harvey Nichols Sale has started

Tesco

Watch it when you want to
Record up to 100 hours & watch them whenever you want.


Olympus
5x optical zoom

All terrian wheelchairs.
trekinetic.co.uk

Made a mistake?
MAde a mistake?
Cleaning seems harder without a Stihl.

Weeding seems hardher without a Stihl.

Reynolds Gel Racer II waterproof pens.

(Damn, it's big!)
Campaign for Gigantic Gogo bubblegum.

Big Babol brand chewing gum.
Snickers
For the beast of a hunger

Merina wool. All we do is wash it, comb it and dye it.

Merina wool long sleeved base layer. One previous owner. howies.co.uk


Scholl
Feet have feelings too

Folgers Coffee
[lol...]
McDonald's Premium roast coffee.
Today will be a great day no matter what.


Ford Land Rover
Go Beyond.
Say goodbye to acronyms, abbreviations, et cetera et cetera.
Mont Blanc. Write More.

American Airlines.
Saving your kids from another night of dad's cooking.

Available in small, medium and shopaholic.

IKEA
Some people are born chefs. this is plan B.

[lol...]
[lol...]


Durex Play.
Whatever is in your mind.

BOSCH
Screws faster than you think.

Mon Bijou fabric softener.
Make it comfortable.

Chupa Chups

Walls Moo
Moo in a tub.

Heinz Beanz
Microwavable. Eazy Beanzy.
No pans. Eazy Beanzy.

Ridiculously thick yogurt.

FAGE
Ridiculously thick yogurt.

Aniela
48 years experience in handmade lingerie.

Listerine Cool Mint.
Kills all germs in 1 wash.
Listerine Fresh Citrus.
Kills all germs in 60 seconds.

The Eos. 95% recyclable.

Volkswagen.
The Golf. 95% recyclable.

Taken from Lurzer's Int'l Archive Vol. 3/08 & Vol. 1/08