i've learned a lot...

this is a really long post you can choose not to read if you want. haha!

a while ago i was free-er at work. i get to go home earli-er. and i thought i've gone pass that stage. but nope. the workload came pouring down on me the whole week this week. not really pouring. when i look at the workload of my colleagues, i have nothing to complain about. nothing but to brush up myself, on being more alert, more detailed, less careless. in short, more competent.

i've learnt alot of things lately at work. i've learned how do working adults think. im no longer a teen and i shouldnt be acting like one anymore. whether if im still going for my degree or not, im not student right now. now i know how people think, how they manage things. cause everybody around me spends almost half of their hours in a day at work. the rest of the hours? people dont need to eat and sleep ar? so i was thinkin to myself. 'they have no life'. i was brought up by my dad to think in a way that says, 'money isnt that important, as long as your happy.' and working for long hrs isnt anything happy-ing. dad tells me stuff like how to manage time, manage life and all. then i look at my collegues, they don look like they have a life.
Joan has 2 kids. the only person working there with kids. she told me if i wanna work in this industry i have to be commited to my work in order to be successful. people lose their relationships by working there simply because of the lack of ability to control time. less time spent with their family and of course, relationships.
May lost her bf of 6 yrs after she started working here ==(
they told me im still young, and that my thinking will change in time.
then i look at those who are married. one has a workaholic husband too, so she has no problems for that. the other goes home before 7. unless there are meetings and all. she's a manager she might have less wrk i assume? nop. she can get things done fast and leave. i need to have better time management. they do have a life. its the way they live it.

i've learned a word called responsibility. there are certain things that you don feel like doing but you have to do. certain tasks certain jobs. its either i let it pile up and become a burden or pretend that i like it, i treat it as something else and whistle it away while i work (its a metaphore i know i cant whistle). you have to love the job that your doing. either to develope love towards the job or suffer. or of course you can change a new job, but you spend so many yrs, so much money on this course for a diploma or a degree, there's nothing else that you can do but to work in this circle of industry. of course you like the subject thats why you took the course but the thing is, even if you like to write, doesnt mean you'll like to write what your writing at work. or what tasks you get at work. you're a writer but they might ask u to not just write, but to know how to take calls, talk to clients, conduct interviews. just cause the writers in the company has better command of english, they dont just write even if they are expected to just write. not like a nerd that only knows how to write. you have to be flexible. not saying i hate my job or that i hate what i do at work, its just, sometimes you get other things unexpected. and you have this responsibility to get it done. it doesnt mean that 'hey im just here to write, i didnt apply here to do this. if i were to d something else, i quit'. thats bullshit. sometimes your responsibility covers more that what you expect. give up and you give your career up.

i've learned that when you see an opportunity, you have to go grab it no matter what. people say, haiya leave it to fate lah, if fate arranges me with this job then i will work lo. what if fate doesnt? do you sit down and wait for it to come to you? if you want it you have to go and grab it yourself. not wait for something else to decide for you. you are your own fate. you decide your own fate. cause how do you defene fate? even if fate arranged to have the letter of somebody of the neighbouring road, for the postman to accidentally drop at your letterbox, there are 3 things that might happen. you might notice the company logo on the letter and say 'hey! why didnt i think of applying for a job in this company?' or, you might just take it as the postman doing a lousy job by putting somebody else's letter in your letter box and ignore it. or you might take the effort to go to the neighbouring road to give the person back his letter and strike up a topic and realise he's actually the employer of some company. fate gave you a hint and it doesnt mean you'll realise or appreciate it. whats the use of having fate? if you want it to happen to you, take the effort to look for more companies. nothing will happen if you sit there and leave things to fate. if there's a 1mm hole in the wall with a strain of light comin out from it, its either you start digging your way out of the dark or, you cud just sit there and wait for the hole to get bigger. leave it to fate and you throw away opportunities.

i've learned a thing called patience. because im new, my collegue is suppose to guide me on how to get task written and done. she has been amending my copies, looking through it, making sure that its ok before giving it to the client or posting up the client's company website. i admit. im a slow learner. but it doesnt mean i don wanna learn. i learn fast but i forget things and for so many times i've missed out so many things. i've been so careless i have nobody else to blame but to blame myself. the other day she stayed back til really late at night just to wait for me to finish it so she can look through. if i get it wrong again she has to make sure i amend it and look through again. the deadline is...? on the day itself. its a day i cried at work. everything is so stressful around me. she kept telling me 'its okay.. u go do ur amendments first don worry about me'. and that stressed me out even more. its worse than meeting deadlines. cause when you meet deadlines u know how much time you have left. this...? the time you have left is actually ticking from zero towards negative numbers.

i learned about stress. i'm a person without patience. i get annoyed easily and that stresses myself even more. when somebody who cant sing, and dont know the lyrics, but still wanna sing, and sings a beat slower just to repeat the lyrics heard from the music, you hear it, for hours, everyday, and you cant do a thing. cause you sing too! even if u are a better singer and u know the lyrics and you follow the beats and lyrics, you sing too. the person is really nice and helpful and all the nice words, when the person isnt singing. and you cant do a thing. you cant get a task done, your cracking your head on this new idea on how to write this paragraph which you got it wrong for so many times already, and you hear the person singing. the music has been played for so many hours and your head is loaded with so many things, the last thing you wanna hear is, the person singing. you've been readin this paragraph for the past 15 mins and nothing seem to get into your head. cause you hear the singing. you have this headache and you have to read through other writer's stuff to see if there are any mistakes, and you hear the person singing. this really is testing my patience. and if i get bugged my it, or shud i say let it bug me, it raises my stress level. cause i have to fight it.
(note: stress encourages the body to self produce bad cholesterols)
and there's nothing you can do about it.
sometimes i put my earphones on just to block out the sound, but sometimes i just want this peace and quiet to brainstrom on stuff. but i cant. cause i hear the person singing.
some people just have the patient genes and i dont. and i better train myself to be patient. which will honestly take ages. cause the first step of training myself is to patiently listen to the person's singing and try to block it out internally. or it cud backfire and i can just go ballistic developing mental illnesses that no psychiatrists or doctors will ever think of linking the issue to listening to somebody's lousy singing. so... i could just leave the room or jam loud music on my earphones. which is actually a better option and is what i was doing all along but nope, that cant train my patience. i have to make myself listen to it and, take deep breaths, take counts and try to focus on my work. which i wont know if it'll work or not not till i can actually be proven patien-er after this so......... i actually don know what else to do.

i've learned that i should make decisions. not saying that i know how to make decisions now, but its what i should learn to do. its my life and its up to me on how i live it. at times i just feel like, 'i don wanna decide cause everytime i make a decision i end up regretting it. so its better if somebody else decides for me, somebody i trust, that i know loves and cares for me enough to make the right decisions for me.' cause most of the time, the decisions turn out to be better ones than what i decide. so to rephrase what i said, i should learn to make right decisions. not just to make decisions. i should take control instead of letting people control me. poeple talk about not having enough freedom, poeple are told what to do, they dont have the freedom to make their own decisions and all but somehow, for a lot of things i do want somebody else to make decisions for me or at least to suggest it in a way that gives me a wayyyy clearer picture on how to decide on something. but im in the working world now. everything aint the same anymore. when im alone, and nobody decides for me, i have to decide for myself.

i've learned more about money. that money really is not easy to earn. not cause poeple in my company gets really low paychecks. but simply because most of them dont live with their parents anymore, or is their own parent and they have more things to pay for than to spend on themselves for entertainment. Atikah is a fresh grad that works for the company for 1 year already and she has been driving her very own Perodua Viva for so many months already. she's paying the installments herself. she's paying for her own petrol. her own food. and i still thought fresh grads who cant afford cars, the dad will buy it for her. just like my dad, he brought a car for my sis.not all dads are like that. Mclean brought his gf to Swensen's for their anniversary dinner. a place where me and my friends, my parents or my boyfriend go with me on normal day basis, as in not on occasional days. and Shafrin who works as a dispatch for more than 5 years for the company, has to take installments even to buy a washing machine for his family, that costs $399. i've learned that its not just about being stingy. though people around me knows that i really am a stingy person, its not about being stingy alone, its more than that. money is really important. i've seen 'buy it only when you need it, not when you want it'.

i've learned about personal grooming. im a person who need a lot of sleep, and is really lazy when it comes to make up. especially when you have to try so hard to drag yourself up so early in the morning to get to work, make up is the last thing i have in my mind. its no longer about being ai sui or wanting to look good, to flaunt and show the pretty side of you to get attention, to get guys to think you're hot, to get girls to envy your looks and all. its noting close to that. its about how you carry yourself. respecting others if you do.
(note: after this it doesnt mean i'll still wake up half and hour early to paint my face ok? i still put sleep as my priority. haha!!)
imagine going out to meet a friend in a torn pajama tee, shorts that makes you look like your not wearing pants and slippers. looks innocent isnt it? if the friend is one close enough to do that. but what if its the first time you're meeting this person for a chat over coffee at, let's say, McD? its not just about first impressions. its about you not respecting the person, not taking the meet-up seriously. ok that's a very lousy example. its actually something like a successful businessman in smart neat branded formal suit, properly ironed, shirt tucked in neatly, tie in place, but his hair isnt gel-ed. its messy and oily looking, and his shoe isnt polished. he is successful. yeah at work but not at the way he carried himself. his house might be like a cockroach den. nobody knows. but the client do know, that he's not taking the effort to even put gel on his hair.

i have learned to make things perfect before submitting it up to my manager. you think you're a perfectionist but you might not be one. i've looked through gazillion times already and im so so so certain its perfect. and BAM! i got it back with so many red inks all over the paper, askin me to amend again. for a lot of things that i already know but somehow i missed out or didnt know what they want. like maybe the spacings, alignment, caps or small letters, and points that im not suppose to write cause it either doesnt sound good, or is not relevant to what the client offers to its clients, etc... to have be perfect is to ask so i know what 'perfect' means, not what i assume it to be. i might have learned it in life before, in college or anywhere that doing this or that perfects things. nope. i might b thinkin its ok to write the word 'pork' on a bak kua packaging advertisement but nope. i cant. i might think being a perfect wife means to know how to cook, know how to take care of the children, be caring and understanding and all those stuff that goes along with the name 'wife'. but to be a perfect wife is to be perfect to your husband alone only. you might b a perfect friend, perfect mom, perfect daughter to the others but perfect wife is to be perfect to your husband. and to do so, is to ask your husband what defines perfect, then only you can be perfect. not by being perfect yourself, brushing up on cooking and babysitting skills and assume your the queen of the world. it doesnt work that way. if you brush u on cooking skills and think your the best, and you end up marrying a restaurant owner, the perfect wife to him might be a wife who doesnt know how to cook, but to know how to do accounts maybe, to handle the restaurant's accounts. cause if you like to drink and your wife thinks 'as long as he doesnt get drunk he's ok, he's still my perfect husband' then your the perfect husband. if your wife thinks 'no drinkin no smoking no gambling only count perfect', then to be perfect has a different definition already.
so if i wanna be a perfect copywriter, i'l hav to ask and know how the company defines perfection. not plainly on listening to other copywriters of other companies and follow. cause im not in other companies. im in this company. if i wanna be perfect, i'l b perfect for this company. it doesnt mean anything and is useless if im perfect for other things that the company doesnt require for me to be perfect at.

agree or not on what i said, to whoever who took the time to read my very extremely long post, do comment, on the things i said, whether if its right or wrong, i might learn more things ==)