Jealousy.

Jealousy is a very strong word, or so I've learned from past experiences and the stories I've heard. A much stronger word compared to envy, jealousy often leads to hatred. Too much of the dose leads to poison. But if course a few doses are still considered healthy, I mean, seriously, who has not been jealous at somebody (or something!) at certain points in their lives? Not all jealousy leads to hatred. Poison only when it's overdosed.

Today, status is much more important than it used to be, people are competitive and you feel the pressure, when a friend shares a few details too much on how she manage to shed 5 kgs in 2 weeks, and you're still a size L no matter how much homework you did counting all the calories in every meal.

What adds vinegar to the lemon juice, is our heighten level of brand awareness. It may not bother you if your manager brings a new Prada purse to work. But if you're only 20 and your classmate flashes the 5 platinum and gold cards in her purse, hinting the new Gucci heels capable of elevating her 4 inches higher (from her actual height), jealousy hits.

It may not bother you at all if an acquaintance or someone older has something that you don't. But if it's someone of you own level, be it a friend or a colleague, it can be harder to take. You feel somewhat inferior, you feel you deserve the same amount of things. Jealousy hits.

Most of the time, jealousy seeps unknowingly from insecurity. I mean, the employee of the month won't be jealous of his colleague who just tapped down 5 sales in 1 go, would he? At least not for that particular month. Jealous because your boyfriend watched a movie with some female friend? You know you totally trust him. But somewhere at the back of your head, those few brain cells of yours just can't block out the ugly thoughts that says he might dump you for her. It sounded like a movie date to you, might be the first of the many dates to come. You were afraid you're no longer the one and only girl in his eyes, afraid that you're no longer your boyfriend's girlfriend. Jealousy hits. At times, jealousy doesn't come from not trusting the guy, it comes from not trusting yourself, you think that girl is somewhat prettier, smarter - better.

People tend to compare themselves with others, consciously or subconsciously. The results often trigger their self esteem. It also has a lot to do with what people actually want in life - satisfaction and goals in life.
What does a kid want? Or what does your kid want? A little girl can only be jealous of her friend who has a Barbie doll and she doesn't. But what if she likes to play with toy cars and trucks instead? She won't be jealous at all.
What does a teenage child want? Or what doesn't your teenage child want? Normally to fit in the groups among his peers. He has to smoke because everybody smokes, and he thinks being seen walking with his parents in a shopping mall makes him look like a momma's boy. What to be jealous about? The macho buffed guy who smokes and gets the girls' attention. He thinks he's cool he shops for his own clothes, not bought by mom.
What does a girlfriend want? Or what does your girlfriend want? Normally security and protection? Or she wants you to pay for all her meals, movies and expects flowers and presents every month?
What does a retired old man want? What does your dad want? Some are jealous at the neighbour, because his son didn't fail his subjects and graduated from a proper university. Some are jealous of the niece who just delivered a baby and their daughter is a 40 year old successful corporate businesswoman - who is still single. Some took out their EPF money for the son to study, and he never came back, and nobody wants to hire a 70 year old man with stroke.
It all bounces back to what makes you happy and what satisfies you. And we all know, in some cases, $100 k in a bank is never enough.

If i were to share my real life experience? Back in high school, there was this girl in class, bragging on her boyfriend. He bought her 2 cell phones. Always took the premiere class movie seats, never the normal seats. Paid for all the expensive crabs, muscles, prawns and squids. Bought her traveling to some countries, all expenses on him. And my boyfriend at that time? Doesn't really respect me, and even asked me to fetch him out and pay for his meal! I don't really like seafood, nor fancy being in premiere class seats. But was i jealous? Yes. Part of me wanted to just shut her up, but the other part says she didn't do anything wrong, it's not right to be mad. But obviously the jealous half was heavier. It didn't lead to hatred. I don't hate her. I just have to get over it. It wasn't because she was showered with expensive stuff. It was because I feel like I've been mistreated and that i deserve more than this. The problem was on my side, not on her side even if she likes to brag. I didn't get any of those listed above, when I was with my 4th boyfriend. Even when she bragged about the same few things, it doesn't bother me because I don't want premiere seats, I don't want to eat expensive foods, I don't want or need a new handphone. But I didnt feel mistreated. I was really content. Nothing else matters.

Real life experience number 2? I've always thought that the reason why my sister hates me, is because that she is jealous of me. And somehow I still think that way. Many years ago she once said this to me, "I don't even even get to go out when i was 14." I was 14, she was 17. Dad bought 2 watches, one for me and one for her. Fair enough? And she said "i don't even get a watch when i was 12". I was 12, she was 15. 2 years ago, I passed my driver's license, n sis got a job. Dad bought a new car so she drove the old car to work everyday, mom drove the new car. Fair enough? When mom's not using it, I drove out to college once in a while and sis said "when I passed my driver's license, all I get to drive is this old car. Why does SHE get to drive the new car to college?" What should I do as a younger sister? I really have no idea. For her to drive the new car to work everyday while mom drives the old car, and I drive when mom's not using the car?

Jealousy isn't really a familiar friend of mine. For all the jealousy I have once had on others, none of them had even a teeney bit of hatred in them. All was from insecurity. Some, from what i figured I should do to get even with her - my sister.

If you know there's lousy in jeaLOUSY, try... please try not to subject it to others. You can share private details with others, but tell people things based on their own situation. For example, if you wanna share the news of your boyfriend giving you the best birthday ever, share it with the one who has a boyfriend of many years, not the single ones who might get depressed over not being able to even nail a guy down, not to say have a birthday party thrown. Dying to tell someone about your promotion? Call up your uber-successful cousin. When someone feels secure about the subject matter, they won't be jealous.
Another tip, is to try and be humble, don't sound like a show off. Compliments work too. When you tell a friend (who you know can never afford it) about a pricey new dress, mention that she could borrow it from you for prom night, or how great it'll look on her.

Even the bestest friend can be jealous of each other. The movie Bride Wars proves it.