leaving...

its a tuesday. tomorrow is a wednesday. then its thursday. then its the last day at studeo grafix.

having all those stressful days at work all the while made me count down the days till my internship ends, so i can get back to life, spend more time with the people around me, go out with liang. go for trips, spas, parties etc.

but its not what i want right now, anymore. its not possible. aint gonna happen.

im starting to feel sad, that im leaving here. sad that certain problems just doesnt have solutions to it. sad that i have to let go. sad that im still uncertain of my future. sad that friends are leaving too (we'll miss u bin). sad that i cant find myself. sad to be stuck in situations i cant handle. im no longer the cheery person you see anymore. i dont know me anymore.

a whole new me is who u'll see. i'm definately changing. to who i do not know. i dont feel comfortable in my own skin now. and my own skin has led to many things that is... really bad.

i do like to work in studeo grafix. how i wish i can love writing more. how i wish my english n my writing is so much better than it is right now. i might take this chance to brush up on my english and maybe, come back here to work someday. and brush up on my time management skills too. with these 2 points, i believe i can get jobs done in short periods of time, and go home early. cause the only thing i think is wrong about this company is the working time. if the company cant develop a system to hire more so employees can punch out on the right time, then employees have to do their part to make sure they get to punch out at the right time. but oh well, not like im going to continue to work here anyway. what m i saying!??

i'll be more thick-faced.
i'll eliminate self-blaming syndrome by saying "i can do it people! and im going to prove it"
i'll be more confident, focus on my strenghts and toning down my weaknesses.
i'll be strong.
i'll smile my way through everything cause it lights me up and it lights the people around. cause i cant wait for ppl to light me up.i'll be more optimistic. even if the world falls down... (everybody's gonna die with me! wahahaha!!) even if i lose a leg... at least im alive and i can play with the wheelchair! even if i lose a loved one...... i guess its, at least i had it before, some didnt have it all along. you have to fall to know there's a hole in the middle of the road.
i'll cover the facts with positive thoughts. even though the fact is that i have only 3 months to live, i'll make sure i die a happy person. im going to die and nothing's gonna change that, its a fact and i'll just have to accept it.
i'll make lists of everything im doing and going to do.
i'll take up a hobby.
i'll lead, im done following the pack.
i'll make myself skilled, noticed and wanted. so people dont choose me, i choose the people.
i'll give myself a healthier diet plan and i'll schedule weekly exercises.
i'll set a goal. an aim, a target. n work towards it with my eyes on the prize.

note: if you hear me say 'i dont know', hit me n make sure i do know. not until i say 'i really really dont know!' (with 2 reallys)